the truth of it

The truth of it is, I live in a place of fear.  Fear of not being enough.  Of not being smart enough, or funny enough, or good enough.  And it's exhausting, but it also makes me sad.  Take this blog for example:  I started this blog with the intention of just writing.  Not writing to be read, but just writing to get my thoughts out.  And in the beginning this blog served me really well.  And then all of a sudden I had a comment and it was like "holy shit, it's not just me anymore, someone is actually reading this."  And then everything changed.  I stopped writing for me and I started writing for an audience.  My voice changed.  I started re-reading and editing my work as though I was writing for a publication.  Although I was being honest in my writing, I wasn't really being authentic.  I'm reading Brene Brown, and she talks a  lot about authenticity and the way she describes it is that people aren't necessarily authentic or not authentic, but that in every situation, every moment throughout the day you can either be authentic or not.  It's a choice by choice, moment by moment sort of thing.  And over time my writing lost it's authenticity.  As I read over past blogs, I can see the real me poking through but under a bit of a lens.  I'm tired of this.  I changed the blog's name thinking that it was catchy and would get me more readers...then I changed the url thinking that surely I should have my blog under my own name just like the big-wigs do.  I'm done with this.  'a side of yoga' is back.  And I'm pledging to myself to bring back the true intention of this blog.  Which is to write...for me.  And to provide a place to gather and store my thoughts and my studies.  So that's it.  I'm back.  Because I love to write.  And I'm choosing not to care if other people think that I'm smart enough, or funny enough or good enough...because the thing is...it doesn't matter so long as I believe that I'm enough.
Back to the basics. 
Love.