the detox

Dear Dr. Joshi,

I got your book Joshi's Holistic Detox for Christmas. I sat in bed on Sunday, book in one hand, chocolate covered acai berries in the other. I flipped through the pages and thought "I can totally do this". Had a talk with the man to see if he was in and when he said yes decided that Monday was the day. We were going to do this detox!

Monday came and went and to my surprise it was pretty good. Then came Tuesday and already Mike and I were wondering just what in the hell we were going to eat.

No red meat
No dairy
No fruit
No wheat, gluten or yeast
No alcohol
No sugar
No artificial flavours
No cakes or biscuits
No spreads
No fun

So we headed to the grocer after school to pick up what little things we could seeing as all of the labels at our grocer are in Korean. This is what I learned - This is going to be hard - damn hard!

We left with a basket full of fish, spices, lemon, seeds and a soya drink.

Once home it was in to the kitchen to experiment. I began googling things that I've never googled before. "how to boil chickpeas", "how to make homemade mayonaise", "recipes for tofu".

The next couple of days consisted of quite a bit of time trying to find recipes and even more time trying to sort it all out in the kitchen. I give major props to people who eat this way on the daily. It takes serious time and planning.

Wednesday after school we were both starved so we headed to a chicken joint with the plan of getting some oven baked chicken. We ordered what we thought would be the healthiest thing on the menu. Plain chicken wings. They came out and just looking at them we knew we were cheating, and after our first bite there was no doubt. These wings were just too good to be considered detox. But, being the non-food-wasters that we are, we had to go ahead and eat every. last. wing. As I licked the last drip off my fingers a slight headache started to set in. I'm not sure if it was the grease or the guilt.

I've embarked on many a detox in my day. Most of which were with the goal of changing my body for appearance sake, most of which were never finished. For the first time in a long time I'm quite happy with my body and this detox is happening for a totally different reason. I need more energy! I need to get rid of the dark circles under my eyes! I want to be able to bounce out of bed in the morning ready to take on the day.

It's been a while since I've tried something like this and I'm excited to give it a go, especially with Mike as my comrade.

Thanks for the challenge Dr. Joshi

I'll keep you posted!

Fa la la la la

It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas...is what I would be saying if I was at home, in the snow, having already put up Christmas lights and a Christmas tree. Is what I would be saying if I was flipping through the channels only to be bombarded with commercials full of Santas and this years 'must haves'. Is what I would be saying if I was at home, in a place where Christmas basically throws up all over you. Christmas, does not throw up here in Korea, it's more of a stifled burp.

I'm trying to feel festive. Planning Christmas activities with my kiddies and showing them Christmas videos but it's just not the same. Mike and I weren't planning on decorating the diz (our apartment) this year because we'll be in China, but I think it's a must.

At least a bit of sparkle here and there. Missletoe maybe? Something to light the Christmas fire. It's the build up of Christmas that gets me excited. Where new books and Popples used to do the trick, carols and coloured lights now get me in the mood.

One of the teachers at school today was wearing a shirt that said "bring your own sunshine if you're looking for love".

And that's exactly what I plan to do, bring some sunshine to the diz.

~A note on Korean shirts. Full of non-sensical sayings that depending on my mood and the day, totally make sense. They're never written in Korean, always English, so for the most part people don't even know which message their spreading.~

Bring your own sunshine if you're looking for love. So often we look to our surroundings to make us happy, to shed the light and lead us to love. But really it's up to us. Love comes from within and shines out. It's about attitude and outlook.

Is the eggnog half full or half empty?

Who's bringing the sunshine?



Green Christmas tip -Be smart when choosing your Christmas greetings.
For every billion christmas cards sent - and there are BILLIONS - 200,000 trees go to waste. And think of how many of those cards end up in the trash after the holiday season. Try to send recycled cards, holiday texts or e-cards instead. Check out cards for causes to see how you can get your hands on some funky enviro friendly cards and help out a charity as well.

what if...

what if we lived in a simpler time
what if i did yoga every day
what if i drank less
what if i read more
what if "wanna play" still meant climbing trees and building forts
what if there were no video games
what if there was no war
what if i lived from the heart
what if the world wasn't full of judgement
what if i didn't judge
what if i took less
what if i gave more
what if we held on to the innocence of our youth
what if the world was governed by love
what if for one day i didn't think about my buddha belly or crooked teeth
what if we all accepted ourselves for who we were
what if there was no predjudice
what if i lived a life free of worry
what if there were no bullies
what if we started taking care of our planet
what if we started taking care of eachother
what if we started taking care of ourselves
what if...

and finally....if the moon was made of cheese, would you eat it?

dear blog

Dear blog,

I miss you. Do you miss me? I know it's been a while and trust me I've been thinking of you. It's just that I've been feeling tired and not very motivated lately. I know it's not a good excuse and the whole point of creating you was to keep motivated and busy during my free time. But, what can I say - sometimes a girl just needs a break.

Really, it's not you, it's me. And trust me, I'm working on it. This whole "bettering myself" thing can be tiring at times. But I'm learning. I'm learning that taking on too much at once can be overwhelming and in the end just lead to nothing.

I have a ton of things that I've meant to write - and will write - I guess the timing just hasn't been right.

Anyways, I'm working on the balance, and it's coming.

Will write soon :)

ps...when did you learn Korean? It's difficult to navigate through you when all of your tabs are in Hangul. Just sayin'

Love,
Shawna

takin a day...er a.....week

When I was younger I was super busy. And every so often I would totally burn out and need to take a day to reboot. A Shawna Day. The mother totally encouraged these days. A day where I got to stay home from school and skip out on gymnastics that night. I loved these days.

But as I get older, a day sometimes just isn't enough. And what I'm finding is that more than a rest for the body, what I need now is a rest for the mind. * Meditation, I know. I'm working on it. *

I cherish these weeks (yes, I usually take a whole week) where I completely allow myself to zone out. Let go of the things that I should be doing in my spare time and just do whatever the f I want.
This means:
*Playing computer games on my periods off at school, while I should be writing, or planning or doing anything productive.
*Endless knitting while streaming episode after episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, while I should be reading or writing or doing anything productive.
*Surfing fashion and gossip mags on the internet, while I should be reading or writing or...well you get the point.
*Eating cake for breakfast....and maybe dinner. I know this has nothing to do with the mind, but come on, it's cake.

It took me a while to accept these weeks as a part of my existence. I viewed them as a total waste of time and something that I should feel bad about. Not anymore. I realise that just as I needed time in my younger years to re-fuel the bod, I now need time to re-fresh the brain. And you know what, it's okay. It's human. I'm human.

So, there's probably more that I could say about this but Larry David is calling my name and that baby blanket isn't exactly going to knit itself.

~peace :)

the law of least effort

"natures intelligence functions with effortless ease".

Love. Love is the foundation for the Law of Least Effort. Think about a world governed by love, a calm and peaceful place. Now, turn that thought inwards. Think about how your life could be if you let your heart be your guide. Living for love. Following a path carved out of love. Finding balance in the truth of it all.

Deepak says that we can do less and accomplish more if we follow our hearts. When our actions are motivated by love, we find ourselves in greater harmony with nature. It is this harmony that further connects us to the law of least effort.

Nature is effortless in its beauty. Grass does not will itself to grow, it just grows. Leaves do not try to change, they just change. A river does not push itself to flow, it just flows.

In yoga, as in life we are constantly being faced with resistance. What if, rather than trying to force things, we allowed ourselves to breathe and surrender. Breathing into the resistance, surrendering the ego. Allowing ourselves to tap into our soul and find the love to guide us. We would find ourselves stretching deeper, reaching further.

By doing this we would be freeing up energy that may otherwise have been trapped in conflict. We could open up to more creativity and personal growth. By letting go of our need to "be someone" and coming into a place of just being we are connecting to our true nature - harmonizing with the nature of love.

Here are the three things that Deepak suggests in order do less and accomplish more.

*Practise acceptance - accept your past choices and current situation. Accept your surroundings and the people who fill them.

*Take responsibility for the challenges you face - they are opportunities in disguise - places to learn and grow.

*Establish awareness in defenselessness - steer away from trying to defend your point of view or trying to convince others. It's a waste of time and energy!

This week's mantra

Om Daksham Namah
My actions achieve maximal benefit with minimal effort.

"There is rhythm and balance in the natural world". Join in.

karma karma everywhere

For the first time in a while I'm really taking notice of my thoughts and surroundings. The Law of Karma has resonated with me in an unexpected way. I've never thought about karma in the realm of choices. As in every single choice you make can affect you and those around you. I had always thought of karma in a world of deeds. He did this so he has good karma. She did that so she has bad karma.

This idea of conscious choice making has sat with me and is forcing me to think before I speak and act. I dig it.

The other day my co-teacher hit a kid, hard. I'm not going to get into my views on corporal punishment in the school system at this time, another blog maybe. But what I saw really hit home. This kid, after being hit, walked out of class and hit a smaller kid, hard. IN YOUR FACE KARMA. And it made me think - your actions don't just affect you and the next person but they have an affect on a multitude of people that you aren't even directly connected to. My coie hit the kid knowing how it would affect her and the kid. Did she think that another kid would be affected by it. Probably not. But he was.

Ripple effect.

Deepak says, before acting ask yourself "Will the choice I'm making now bring happiness to me and those around me".

Imagine we all asked ourselves that before acting...what a world.

Karma is everywhere. And it works in different ways. Just as we want to avoid negative actions we want to embrace the good and pay it forward. Who knows what something as simple as just being nice could trigger.

What kind of reactions do you want to set in motion?

just add water

Today is Blog Action Day. This means that thousands of bloggers from over 125 countries will be blogging about the same topic: Clean water. I'm happy to be a part of this.

the facts

Did you know that nearly 1 billion people lack access to clean water. That's 1 in 7 people that will struggle and suffer from disease and possible death.

3.575 million people die each year from water related disease, 90% are children under the age of 5. Which means, every 20 seconds a child dies from a water related disease.

Woman and children across the globe spend a total of 200 million hours each day collecting water for domestic use. 40 billion hours a year are spent in search of water in Africa alone.

Less than 1% of the world's fresh water is readily accessible for direct human use.

water on the daily

While a billion people go without water in the developing world, we here in the industrialized world are using much more than our fair share.

I was surprised to learn that it takes 24 litres of water to produce one hamburger. 1,514 litres to produce a cotton t-shirt and 6,813 litres for a pair of jeans.

Water consumption is everywhere. Even in places we may not really think about.

what can we do?

Just getting into the mindset of conserving water is a start. Here are some things we can do around the house that will go a long way.

*Take shorter showers.
*Turn the tap off while you brush your teeth or shave.
*Turn the water off while you wash dishes or vegetables.
*Only use the dishwasher or washing machine for full loads. Or set the dial accordingly.
*Check pipes for leaks regularly.
*Avoid the garburator by using a compost bucket.
*Use common sense! Any time you are running water to wash or water something water is being wasted. Fill a bucket, fill a sink, fill a bottle and use only what you need.

websites

Check out Water.org and Charity:water to learn about ways that you can get involved.

A donation as little as $20 gives one person clean water for 20 years. Crazy right.

Don't have an extra buck, don't worry. Just pass the message along. Spreading awareness is one way we can combat the water crisis. This is what Blog action day is all about, awareness.

just think

The only water we will ever have, is the water that we have now.

~~one love~~

sign me :)

Change.org|Start Petition

week 2

This week is all about The Law of Giving and Receiving.

So, I shall give a lovely little quote that I came across.

“Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love.” Lao Tzu

got calm?

I am trying to find some stillness in the daily and it is proving to be a challenge. Initially I thought that it made the most sense to take 10 minutes at the beginning and end of each day to lay back and clear the melon. But really all this amounts to is snoozing for an extra ten in the morning and going to bed earlier by ten in the evening. This, is not working.

It's not that I can't sit still. I can. I can sit still and watch t.v. I can sit still and read a book. I can sit still and knit. But stillness for the sake of stillness makes me anxious. And the anxiety drives my mind into overdrive.

I realise that thoughts are good. Thinking is good. What I'm trying to quiet is the running dialogue that seems to be on auto pilot. I won't even realise that I'm thinking until I tune in and hear the play by play of what's going on. It's as if there is a conversation happening between someone narrating my life and me giving an interview. Constantly.

The other morning I woke up and before I even realised that I was awake my mind was racing and I thought "are you f'ing kidding me? Already. My eyes aren't even open and you're planning the next 48 hours. Can't I just enjoy a Saturday morning of quiet".

I need to learn to control my mind. And after this last week I realise that meditation, like all things is not just something I can do. It requires patience and practise and guidance.

So, on to week two of my quest to calm the crazy. Patience Shawna, patience.

Oh, and I'm using Wherever You Go There You Are by Jon Kabat - Zinn as a guide. Hopefully this helps!

Any other recommended readings??

~peace~

week 1

The Law of Pure Potentiality is my focus for this week.

This week I will

~remind myself not to judge
~take 10 minutes at the beginning and end of each day to just. be. still.
~walk to wherever I am going and tune in to my surroundings.

I'm looking forward to this. Mainly what I've learned from going through each chapter is the importance of tuning into my thoughts. And for a day or two I actually did try to practise non-judgement but then it just fades and I'm right back to letting my thoughts get away from me.

And the stillness, well, who can't benefit from a little quiet throughout the day!

remember: **Advice, help, hints and comments on calming the crazy are encouraged**

the challenge

I love challenges. I love them even more when I actually finish them!

My mind is crazy, I'm talking it never, ever stops and it's exhausting. I've been thinking a lot lately about taking up a meditation practise but as with most things it has been pushed to the side.

So, I've given myself a challenge. The Seven Spiritual Laws challenge.

~The plan - to cover one chapter/week. As I go through the readings (The Seven Spiritual Laws of Yoga), try to apply the principles of each law into the daily for that week.

~The practise - adopt the laws into my pracitse on the mat. Write daily about anything and everything. Ease my way into a meditation practise.

~The hope - that by the end of the seven weeks I will have calmed the crazy and am ready to establish a daily practise of yoga and meditation both on the mat and off.

Ready, set, go!

**Advice, help, hints and comments on calming the crazy are encouraged**

ssly - the law of karma

"what we reap is what we sow, and so it goes" ~ kid rock (my man)

In the law of Karma (cause and effect) Deepak points out that it's important to shift our way of thinking from viewing karma as binding or jailing and open up to the freedom that it provides. Typically, karma is referred to as being good or bad. Deepak is taking us away from this "definitive unchanging" view of karma and bringing us into a world of choices.

I have never really been interested in Karma due to the all-or-nothing approach that I associated with it. And so to see this as the third law was initially a little off-putting. Karma is often linked to ones actions or deeds which I find is what gives it this connotation of being good or bad - positive or negative.

However, after reading about karma in the sense of choices, I feel I can now relate a little more. I feel myself opening up the the idea of karma as it comes out of the world of good and bad and just lays out on the table as a mix of past choices. It is not about whether your future will be bright or dark but about where you are now and how you are handling your current situation - and how this handling is going to affect what's to come.

Karma is about choices. Conscious choice making.

It's important for us to become consciously aware of the choices that we are making. It is the conscious as well as unconscious choices that shape our future. We need to move away from the knee-jerk reactions - because although they are conditioned and come without "thought", they are still choices.

Conscious choice making can be very empowering. It's about taking control of your life. It takes away from the "why me" syndrome and allows you to take ownership of your choices and their outcomes.

Deepak suggests that with each choice you make, you ask yourself:

"What are the consequences of the choice I am making"?

"Will the choice I'm making now bring happiness to me and those around me"

He also suggests that when making a choice, pay attention to the response that takes place in your body.

Listen.

Move from your heart.

This weeks mantra

Om Kriyam Namah
My actions are aligned with cosmic law

And for your listening pleasure click here

you want me to put my what where?

Yoga class last night went something like this - set your intention - sun salutations - stretch your glutes - now try to put your foot behind your head. What!?!

When people think of pretzly yogis I think that this pose is one that comes to mind. However, through my practise both on the mat and off I have yet to come across it. So, it was a bit of a surprise to me when my instructor had us all laying on our backs wiggling around trying to work it out. It, did not get worked out. At least not for me.

On the walk home I wondered if this "leg behind your head" pose was even legit and what's the point. Sometimes I wonder if teachers just have us do things for their own amusement. I mean, legs behind your head, what a stupid frustrating pose. So I did some googling and there it was - Eka Pada Sirsasana in all it's glory.

And I learned that there are in fact benefits - good benefits.

This pose is said to

*eliminate toxins
*improve hemoglobin levels
*purify the heart and lungs
*energize the body and mind

Maybe it's not such a stupid pose after all. But for where I'm at in my yoga journey it remains to be one of serious frustration.

Yoga is a challenge for me. Typically a good challenge, one that keeps me coming back to the mat. But every so often I encounter a pose that is just soooo f'ing frustrating. A pose that with a slap in the face reminds me of just how far away I am from the athlete I used to be.

I remember the years I spent at the gym club (gymnastics). I had such strength and determination. I had the confidence in myself and my body to try anything. And sometimes it would work out, and sometimes I would fall - hard. But I would always try. And now, I shy away from difficult hikes for fear that I will be left for dead at the top.

Yoga helps to calm and centre and blah blah peacey stuff but for me it's a serious motivator and tool to get back that strength and confidence of my youth. And you know what, so far it's working.

Some people know that they've "made it" when they own their first car, house or whatever big thing they strive for. I will be satisfied for having "made it" the day my foot rests atop my shoulders with ease.

Yoga - Korean style

Well I did it. I pulled myself away from the world of streaming long enough to post. One of the things that I have learned this last 18 months in Korea is how to waste time. I am amazing at wasting time. Reading through my daily list of blogs, emailing, surfing, facebook, true blood, solitaire, project runway, daydreaming... ahh daydreaming. But here I am blogged up and ready to write.

I love my new yoga studio! I mean love love love it. Like dog-ass tired drag myself out of my after school nappy haze to take a class, love it. And get this, I don't even understand it, well, the language of it anyways. I have found this gem of a studio not too far from my apartment that teaches an open class three days a week. There is nothing fancy about this studio, just one big open room filled with real people who just love yoga. I'm surrounded by scrunchies, baggy pants and oversize t's. No lululemons, no ego, just straight up heart. And, I'm home.

Each class starts with the instructor bringing us to a seated position at the front of our mats. We close our eyes and she takes us through what i am assuming is a guided meditation/ intention setting to set us in the mood for what's to come. I don't understand a word (as the class is taught entirely in Korean) but as I sit there this is what I imagine her to be saying:

"Let go of your day. Let go of your expectations. Come into your breath. Come into your body. Shawna, stop thinking. Tune into yourself and into one another. Let your breath and your body be your guide. Shawna, stop thinking. Move from the heart..."

And so we sit there for about 5 minutes working to find our calm. And then the movements begin. I have had an on again off again relationship with yoga for quite some time now and I considered myself to be quite familiar with the asana portion of the practise. But without fail, every class I am introduced to something new. Did I mention that I love this class? In a totally unpredictable way we go through about 50 minutes of a mix of standing and seated postures. And after a short shivasana we come back to that seated position in which we began.

At this point, and this is my favourite part, we begin to give ourselves a mini massage. Rubbing our necks, our bellies, our chest and anywhere else you feel needs the attention. And then as if in an act to physically rid ourselves of anything that we weren't able to leave on the mat we begin to brush our hands across our chest and shoulders as if to brush of any remaining burden from the day. When we feel sufficiently cleansed we bring our hands to prayer and give our thanks. Thanks to our teacher, thanks to ourselves, thanks to the wonderful practise that is yoga.

Namaste

Help! My pants are shrinking

It's funny, no matter which pair of pants or shorts I put on in the morning, they are quite a bit looser than the pair that I take off at the end of the day. Weird, rigth?

I am experiencing some serious summer bloat. But the summers over you say? Not here in Korea! I swear some of the hottest days are yet to come.

Where does bloating come from?

Sodium! I dont' even like salt. Well, that is to say, I NEVER salt my food. So where is all this sodium coming from? I'll tell you

Soups
Condiments and sauces
Processed Foods
Fast Food - obviously
and....dairy products..blurgh

Some of these I'm guilty of, but for the most part I feel like I eat fairly consciously.

What can I do to battle the bloat?

The obvious - stay away from salts.
Drink lots of water - which I do... I'm talking like at least 3-4 litres of it just while I'm at school.
Eat more fiber
Eat more tropical fruit. Pineapples are supposed to be good. This I can handle.
Chamomile tea is said to help.

Readers. Does anyone even read this blog aside from the mother and her lovely sisters? Readers, do you have any tips on how to keep me from having to unbutton come 3:30pm?

Going on Savasana

I'm sitting here at my desk counting down the last 1 hour and 45 minutes until I am free! Time for vacation. Time to sit on the beach, read, sleep in a tent and just be. I. am. stoked!

Mike and I fly into Jeju tonight and then we have two weeks ahead of us to really just go with the flow. We have nothing booked, no plans, just straight up aimless wandering. Oh ya baby.

While we're away I will be taking a break from blogging, as I'll be living primarily out of a tent. Taking a bit of a savasana from reality. Savasana as a pose is intended to rejuvinate body, mind and spirit. And that is exactly what I am after.

My plan is to read. The books I have packed are:

The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks - which I am a third of the way through and am in love with

One Hundred Years of Solitude

Sidartha

My plan is to do yoga. I am taking my mat along with me and look forward to down dogging on the beaches of Korea.

My plan is to write. I just picked up this cute little journal that I plan on filling on the daily with anything and everything.

My plan is to relax! And not just a physical relaxation. But a relaxation of the mind. I have yet to really discover the power of meditation but I know that I am in need. My mind does not stop. Ever. And the things that go on in there, well I don't even know where they come from. I plan to make a conscious effort over the next two weeks to really quiet the mind.

And that's it! Full on super lax vacay!

shoooooool's out!

It's here, finally! Vacation!

Another semester, my third here, has come and gone and this is what I've learned.

* Kids love to sing! Any song that they know the words to they will belt out. And this isn't just the young ones, the 6ers love such classics as "The Pizza Song" just as much as the first graders. Whenever I have an extra 10 mins to kill in class I know that I can rely on the gift of song.

*Pinching helps. Things here in Korea are much different in the education system than back home. One of the main differences is that teachers are allowed to discipline the kids in any way they see fit. I have mixed feelings on this. I do not by any means actually get physical with me kids. However I have found that a little pinch on the arm along with a sly smile goes a long way to get a kids attention.

* Kids love stickers. I mean love stickers. And they don't even have to be fuzzy, smelly or shiny. Just plain old blue and red circle stickers and kids will do what you ask of them.

* Kids think I understand Korean. And rightfully so, I have been here for quite a while now and should know more of the language. I don't. So they go right on telling me about their day and about what that little boy just did to that little girl and who I should be getting into trouble. It's adorable. And the younger they are the more they have to say. And the more they have to say the more I just smile and nod a pretend to understand.

Reading over this I realize that for all you "real" teachers out there I may be going against every rule in the book. But....what can you do? This is just the way it's done here. :P

~peace and hugs

Sat Nam

I did a Kundalini yoga session on Thursday after school and just today the stiffness has subsided. This was by far the hardest yoga practice I have done. Lots of movement. Repetitive movement that just keeps going and going way beyond when you think it's time to stop. The instructor kept saying that this is a principal of kundalini yoga; to continue each movement past when the brain says it is time to stop. In doing this we take our practise out of the head and into the heart. And so, on and on we went.

I found it tough to get started but once I closed my eyes and allowed myself to go inward, my body started to loosen and I began to really get into the flow of it all. A delicious little practise that I will definitely revisit. It woke me up and left me feeling freeer in my body.

Throughout the session the instructor used the mantra Sat Nam. This is a new mantra to me and I love it.

Sat - Truth
Nam - Identity

Sat Nam - the truth is my identity and I call upon the eternal truth that resides in all of us. Chanting this mantra is said to awaken the soul.

Lovely, right?

I began to bring this mantra into my breathing

Inhaling Sat, exhaling Nam.

I do love the true meaning of this mantra, however I have to say that by disconnecting that Sat from the Nam I felt that I gained a deeper, personal connection to Sat Nam

Inhale the truth, exhale the ego.

As I went through this practise, all 67 sweaty minutes of it, I focused on bringing in the truth. My truth. The eternal truth. Any truth. And letting go of the ego. Breaking down the things that I identify with that in some way or another have come together and formed this dam of attachments that is restricing the flow of Truth.

And this, I have to say...awakened my soul.

And so for the time being as I go through the day repeating Sat Nam every so often I am going to stick with my tweaked version of it.

Inhale truth
Exhale ego

~India hasn't patented mantras yet have they?~

i will not judge...

In the spirit of the law of pure potentiality I am trying to practice non-judgement. Trying desperately not to judge. Not to judge myself, and my surroundings. Not to judge others.

"I will not judge". This has become my mantra. As judegmental thoughts creep into my space I repeat "I will not judge...I will not judge". You know what I'm learning...I judge... more than I'd like to admit.

And it's not just that I've become harder on myself, which I have. It's that I've started to judge others; I mean I even judge the man...not the man, but my man. And totally without cause. I've misplaced that innate trust and pureness that partners with youth and have become a wee bit cynical.

Wait, is that the word I want to use? Yup, cynical - "contemptuously distrustful of human nature and motives". Ugh. What a definition. If I could have chosen the words at 16 to describe my 28 year old self, contemptuous and distrustful would not be on the list. Lovely, accepting, kind...those would be words on the list.

There was a time when I was full of compassion and caring and patience and void of judgement.

Time. Life, has shifted that balance. I find myself judging more with less patience.

So, let's go back to the wee bit part. I would not consider myself a judgmental person, just a person who has a slight (clearing of the throat) tendency to judge. And, this is a new thing, a thing that I can change. I am upset with myself (i will not judge...), for getting to a point where I feel comfortable passing judgement so freely. I didn't even know that I was judging and casting out this negativity until I started to bring awareness to my thoughts ~honestly.

And so, now that I am aware, it's time to reel in this little woman with the gavel and send her on her way...permanently.

thinkin' green

I read this post on Elephant Journal a couple of days ago and it got me to thinking about the law of giving and receiving.

Mainly I was attracted to the Declaration of Independance as set out by the David Suzuki foundation back in 1992.

We are the earth...
We are the rains...
We are the breath...
..we share a common future as yet untold

It's important not only to give and receive from the energy body of the universe but to be mindful of our impact in the cycle of the physical body of the universe as well.

Start thinking green. And if you're already thinking green...start thinking greener!

We hear about all that's going on in the world right now with Global Warming and it's a damn hot topic of conversation. But how much are we really doing in order to ensure a clean, green future for generations to come.

I recycle. I walk or take public transit most of the time. I don't litter. But really that's about it. There is so much more that I could be doing. So in the spirit of the law of giving and receiving I am going to make an effort this week to educate myself on the different things I could be doing in honour of our planet earth.

And, I'm going to do them!

ssly - the law of giving and receiving

"the universe operates through dynamic exchange"

We are all in constant exchange with the universe. It is this exchange that keeps the life force going. Chopra says that "life is the flow of all the elements and forces that comprise the field of existence". And that "stopping the circulation of energy is like stopping the flow of blood".

We must all be open to the law of giving and receiving in order to keep the life force circulating.

How do we do this?

It's easier than you might think.

Here are three things Deepak suggests to help stay connected to the flow of the universe

* Breathe. Maintain your breathing awareness. This is the easiest most natural way to keep the life force, prana, in cirulation. A steady, effortless exchange of air with our environment.

* Be grateful. Celebrate your existence. Be open and accepting to gifts that come your way; whether they be in the form of a small gift, a rainbow or a compliment. Take some time to enjoy your surroundings, enjoy being you.

* Give. Set an intention to give to whomever you come into contact with during your day. This is the best part, it doesn't have to be a material gift, in fact it is the non-material gifts that go the furthest in the realm of giving. Give a compliment. Give love. Give affection. Give a prayer.

When we are open to the law of giving and receiving and the life force is flowing, we are in natural alignment with the universe.

What I love so much about this is the simplicity in it's nature, but the greatness of its scale. We are all responsible for a little give and take and in the end this will help to keep us connected. This is what will ensure the dynamic exchange that is essential for the existence of the universe.

So here I am, sending out my positive vibes and opening my heart to what the universe tosses my way.

This weekes mantra

Om Vardhanam Namah
I am the nourisher of the universe

canada eh

Happy Canada Day!

It sure doesn't feel like July 1st over here in Korea and I've gotta say, I'm not the happiest about missing out on a long weekend. But I have donned my red and white and am doing my damndest to represent the homeland.

I put together a little fun facts quiz about Canada for my kiddies which was actually pretty hilarious.

Here are some of the questions/answers that I got

How old is Canada?
10

What is our national animal?
Monkey
*Korea's national animal is the tiger and they thought it was pretty hilarious that ours is the beaver. I mean seriously, the beaver? Aren't there a lot of bears in Canada? Just sayin'.

What is our national sport?
Make a igloo

What languages do we speak in Canada?
English and Innuit

Seriously cute stuff.

And one fun fact for you guys.....did you know that Canadians have the highest consumption of mac and cheese of every nation? That's right, good ol KD. Gotta love it.

After school Mike and I are heading out for some poutine. Doesn't get any more Canadian than that, eh?

~Peace and hugs~

ssly - #1 - the law of pure potentiality

"at your core you are pure potentiality"

We come into this world with pure awareness, endless potential. This law of pure potentiality represents the realm of our knowledge, intuition, balance, harmony and nature. It's quite similar to Descartes theory of being a blank slate upon birth.

It is throughout our life that our pureness becomes, for lack of a better term, not-so-pure. Right from birth we are exposed to different things, thoughts and ideals and start to open up to the influence of the external world. It absolutely cannot be said that this is a bad thing. This is something that happens naturally, just by living. But through this growing-up, through these influences we start to move away from our self and begin to refer to our life based on external, fleeting experiences and labels.

In finding stillness, we may be able to locate our true Self. Deepak has coined this as self-referral. A state where our internal reference point is our soul. Our true unbiased, unjudging soul. But for most of us, where we spend most of our days is in a state of object referral. Where we base who we are and where we are going on the external world. Our job title, our assests, the people we surround ourselves with.

Ego.

Fear-based state of being.

We are constantly searching for approval, looking for power and control and once we have these things (or think we have them) we become afraid at the thought of losing them.

It is in finding a little stillness when for just a moment we get to come back to our true Self that we are free of all of this. That we open up to our true potential. We are able to shed the various masks that we wear throughout the day and take a moment to just exist, just as we are. Not as teacher, or mother or daughter, but just as you. Pure, natural you.

Wearing these social masks I think, is unavoidable. We play different roles to different people. I think the main thing is to not lose sight of who we are within these roles - at the core...to not lose sight of our Self.

Everyone has their own way of finding stillness. For some, it's writing. Breaking down the wall and letting your true self pour out through the finger tips. For some it's yoga. Finding stillness in a pose. Focusing on nothing but the breath and the body. Tuning into our soul. For some it's just absolute stillness - meditation. Turning the attention inwards, finding true, pure stillness of the mind. Whatever it is, it is a way to connect with your true being and in this we start to see our true potential. The goal I think is to find as much stillness in your life as you can. To spend as much time in this state of pure awareness as possible.

Revelations come from stillness.

Love comes from stillness.

Happiness comes from stillness.

Acceptance comes from stillness.

Change comes from stillness.

Deepak suggests that you try these three things to help you find your pure potential.

* Cultivate stilllness in your body and mind
* Take time each day to commune with nature
* Practice non-judgement (this is not just judgement of others, but judgement of yourself)

This weeks mantra

Om Bhavam Namah
I am absolute existence

korea, fighting!

There's nothing like a sporting event to bring about a little patriotism......even if it isn't your home country your cheering for. We've spent the last three weeks supporting the Korean Red Devils and it was just on Saturday night that they were beat out of the World Cup. And I have to say, with all my soccer know-how, that Korea had them...it looked like they were the better team, but in the end they were beat 2-1 by Uruguay. It was a sad night followed by an even sadder hangover... :P

Mike and I have decided to stay here in Korea for another 8 months in order to finish off my contract. At first, it was a bit hard coming to terms with our decision. We were both pretty excited at the prospect of going somewhere new. But after many talks about what made the most "sense" it is here that we have decided to be. And it was through our nights out for the world cup that I was reminded of just how great Korea can be.

Game 1 - Korea vs. Greece - I rediscover the friendliness of Koreans

Mike and I went to Busan Station to watch the game outside. We showed up about a half hour before game time to a sea of red. Found a little spot, spread out the sleeping bag and settled in for the game. About half way through, it started to drizzle. Not being prepared we just sort of huddled closer together willing to endure a little rain. Not even a minute goes by before we are offered an umbrella from a man sitting behind us. (this man, we are positive is the mayor of Busan...)

This is not the first time something like this has happened. I have not only been offered umbrellas from total strangers after being caught in the rain, but I have had, on more than one occassion a Korean escort to wherever I am going with the shelter of their umbrella.

Game 2 - Korea vs. Argentina - I rediscover my inner Korean passion for picnics

This game was held on a balmy Thursday night and Mike and I headed to Gwangalli beach for the game. Again, we showed up to a sea of red, found our spot and settled in. We had picked up some mandu (korean dumplings) and had a couple of bottles of wine. We were sitting behind two Korean couples in about their 40's who had been there for a while and were diggin' in to some raw fish and whisky. It wasn't long before we were sharing food and drink and a lot of smiles.

Koreans love picnics, and they have it down to an art. I feel that I have a lot to learn in the world of picnicing, and this is the place I'm going to learn it. A dozen tupperwares full of Korean yummies set out perfectly on adorable little picnic mats. And always enough to share with any unexpected joiners. My favourite part about Korean picnics is that they remove their shoes to sit on their picnic mats. Traditions...

Game 3 - Korea vs. Nigeria - I rediscover just how patriotic Koreans are

This game, I slept through, but I showed up to school and every teacher had stayed up or woken up for the 330am game. And not just the teachers, but upon asking my students I learned that about half of them were up with their families to watch the game as well

Game 4 - Korea vs. Uruguay - I rediscover just how silly and fun Koreans are

We headed to our pub for the game. We showed up a bit early but were quickly joined by many Koreans sporting tattoos and devil horns, whistles and light savers. Koreans really get into their sports. This doesn't sound much different from what you would see at an NFL game or something but it is the spirit that is different. There is a competitiveness no doubt, but the main thing that fills the air is just pure joy..silliness. And it doesn't take long before you are right in there engulfed in the positive vibes, singing and chanting along with the rest.

Korea..fighting!

seven spiritual laws of yoga

I am re-reading Deepak Chopra's The Seven Spiritual Laws of Yoga. I have read both this and his Seven Spiritual Laws of Success a few years back. I remember feeling quite inspired while reading this.

I remember feeling connected with what I was reading as if intuitively it all made sense. Scratch that - most of it made sense. But to be quite honest there are certain concepts in this book that I don't fully understand but have never taken the time to really look into. Also, as with most books, about a month or so goes by and I forget most of what I've read. I have been cursed with the mothers memory.

And so, I have decided to give it another go and really dig in to it.

And so it began...

Introduction - "the Seven Spiritual Laws of success are the laws of nature applied to the human experience. They are the principles through which the unmanifest become the manifest..."

And....I'm lost.

Unmanifest vs manifest. What does that even mean?

At this pace it's looking like it's going to take me quite a while to get through this... But, I do want to fully understand where these laws originate from. So, I did a little googlin' and this is what I've come up with.

The unmanifest is our thoughts, energy. The manifest is the physical, our bodies.

The unmanifest is subconscious while the manifest is conscious

The unmanifest is the deepest part of who we are and what we can become. The manifest is the obvious part of life - what we see.

The unmanifest is our soul - our true potential

...and that's enough for today

korean made easy

I have been here for a year and a half and just last night I bought my first Korean language book. Korean made Easy. And I am pretty excited to get started. Coming over here I had so many plans to learn the culture learn the language, not just be a Canadian living in Korea but to really immerse myself into the land of the morning calm. And at first I did...kinda. But time goes on and you realize that you are just a Canadian living in a foreign land and that's okay.

You take in the things you love about Korea, try to avoid that things you don't (and trust me there are a lot of those), and just go on being who you are. And I can honestly say that this proud Canadian has found a home here in Korea....at least for the time being.

Mike and I have "our spots" where we go quite frequently to eat. Coming and going from our apartment we see all of the same faces through the demolished alley way that is our home and share a lot of friendly nods and "anyong haseyo's". And despite not understanding a lick of the language I have become totally accustomed to being surrounded by the murr of Korean. It's nice actually to not always understand what is going on. It becomes a bit of background noise rather than being a distractor while you're out.

But this is how I really know I'm feeling Korea lately. Last night at 4:06 am I was woken up to loud cheers from my neighbours as Korea scored a goal to tie up the game with Nigeria......and I didn't mind. It actually kinda made me smile. And I was excited to know that Korea would be going on to the next round.

I don't even like soccer. But, you know, when in Rome...

on your mark, get set....

Let the games begin! Or, more accurately put...let the training begin! I have decided to train for and run a half marathon. The race isn't until Septemeber 12th, which allows me exactly 12 weeks to train. Perfect!

It's not gonna be easy. And not just the running part, but the actual committment to training. It's hot here in Korea, like icky sticky thick air hot. So, my runs will be hot. It's summer, which means everyone is in summer time, party time mode. It's going to be hard to give up a night of wine on the beach to sweat my ass off with a run... The challenge here, will be to stay focused. Which, lately has not been easy. I have been suffering a severe case of the monkey mind. What will help keep me in line is that the man is going to be training too, so we'll be in this together.

I don't love running. I do love walking. Some people are just natural runners and really enjoy it. I, am not one of those people. But I have for a long time bragged about just how good of a walker I am...and I mean, I really am good. So, I am going to walk/run this 21k and have found a 12 week training program to help me achieve just that. I'm committed, but not crazy.

I'm excited for this. Growing up I was always been involved in competitive sports and so was always in training mode. It has been a long time since I have had a fitness goal of any sort. Something to keep me on track, keep me motivated. This should do just that. It's going to be great. Sweaty, but great.

sweet surrender

The Bindu Wiles 21.5.800 challenge is proving to be, well, challenging. But good things are coming from this challenge. What I am learning is that the hardest part is just getting started, but once I log in or roll out the mat everything starts to flow.

The other morning I woke up feeling tired and really not at all like doing yoga. But I knew that I wouldn't be doing it at any other point that day. So with sleepy eyes I unrolled my mat and started into a little yin yoga. What made this practice so easy is that I have a sequence that I love to do that I know by heart. I discovered this sequence from yoga journal a few years ago and have done it ever since.

http://www.yogajournal.com/practice/2545

It was wonderful. I do aim to really stay still in each pose and just breathe. My body is so tight in the mornings so it takes some time to wake up, but it's in the mornings when I feel that I get the most out of a yin session. It's in the mornings when I can actually feel my joints soften as my body opens up to each pose.

5 breaths in I'm a bit fidgety, trying to find the sweet spot
10 breaths in my body softens as I start to settle into the pose
15 breaths in and beyond I have completely surrendered and am loving it!

And I've started to take this approach into other areas of my life. Just get started. Things will flow from there. I knew that this challenge would be good for me. I didn't know why at the time, but I'm starting to see that it's not just about getting on the mat or writing more. It's about taking more time for myself, more time with my thoughts. And I'm starting to see that surrendering is okay. Surrendering into a pose or into life - as long as I keep breathing everything will be okay!

say what?

"don't sweat the small stuff".

Today my Korean co-teacher told me that when I first came to Korea (16 months ago), I was "young, bright and shiny". And now I am "old, gloomy and stressed" Whoa.

Let me preface this by saying that Koreans definitely have a way with words and that in their culture talking about your looks, your weight, really anything to do with appearance is a major pass-time. So, I did not take offense to this comment. It did however get me thinking.

The excitement of being in a new country has definitely worn off, and so, yes, a bit of the bright and shiny attitude may have gone with it. Over time I have felt more and more that I'm not really growing here and so with that I guess comes a little of the old gloomy feeling. I knew I needed a bit of a shift in attitude, but I didn't realize it was showing on my face.

Who at 28, or any age really wants to be described as old, gloomy and stressed?

After the excitement of Korea wore off it took me a little while to get settled into my life here. As a teacher, as a girlfriend, as a foreigner. But I have gotten settled and instead of just enjoying the ride, as if on cue, I have started to sress about the future. Brooding really. I'm so afraid that life isn't going to end up just as I want it to that I am aging myself. And the kicker of all of this, I have no idea how I want my life to go. So it seems that any path that I go down may not be the right one...there's a constant drum of "maybe I should have turned left".

It's getting to a point where I'm almost annoyed with myself for spending so much time thinking and worrying about where I'm going to end up. Whether I'm making the right decisions. I need a new focus, I need to settle in, not into the external world but into myself. The choices that I have to make are all good choices. How can I really make a wrong decision when any decision will lead me to something good, something positive.

It's just life.

Chill the 'f' out!

blah blah blah

My saving grace over the last couple of years of not regularly attending yoga classes has been My yoga online. Awesome community based website which allows you to practice with wonderful teachers from all over the world right in your own home. Doesn't get easier (or cheaper) than this.

I have yet to really find a form of yoga that I gravitate towards. I love all styles of yoga, which is great as it allows me to take a variety of classes. I spend about 15 minutes online choosing which class to take before I set up my mat. And it is not the length, level or style of class that I am searching for, it is the instructor. I am searching for an instructor who just knows when enough is enough. Who appreciates the age old saying "silence is golden".

I literally skim through the video before committing to it to see just how much the instructor blabs during the session. As an instructor myself I understand that there are certain cues and reminders that you need to give your students and I am very appreciative of those during a class. However, some instructors it seems talk just to talk, about the philosophy of yoga, the history of yoga. And this to me is a turn off. Which is unfortunate because there have been many sequences that I've done that I've totally dug but won't do again due to the sheer blab factor.

A great benefit of taking classes is taking away little bits and pieces that help you to become a better instructor yourself and I've gotta say one of the main things that I've taken away from various classes is that silence during a session is okay. It gives us time to really focus on the breath, give ourselves our own little cues and reminders. But mainly a little silence just makes the class more personal and enjoyable.

Stalemate

Throughout life there are certain milestones set out for us. Right from birth we start to achieve these things naturally just by growing up. We open our eyes, sit up, start walking, talking, sleep in our own bed. And then we're off to school and with each passing year we graduate on to the next level, constantly moving up the ranks. We complete high school and move on to University or college where for most of us we live out from under the watchful eyes of our parents for the first time. Out of University we get our first "real" job, "real" apartment, start to feel growth in ourselves as we enter the world of adulthood.

I went through these stages and I'm happy to say that I did most of them quite well. It took me some time to get the hang of things but overall I was a pretty happy go lucky hard working (and at times hardly working) girl. I've always felt pretty good about where I've ended up and the progress I've made towards certain goals.

But what happens when you've gone through the stages and you're just not sure what's next.

I have never been great at making decisions, I have, however always been good at going with the flow. And it just so happens that the flow as always lead me in a positive direction, a direction towards personal growth and development. Lately I haven't been feeling very growy... or flowy. I have adjusted quite nicely to my little life here in Korea and for a time I have felt that rather than really living my life I have just been existing. Not moving forward, not moving back....stalemate.

At this point, in the past I would just move. New apartment, new city, new province, new continent...just move and that would push me forward in some way. But I am starting to see that this is not always the answer. New location, new job, new style, change for the sake of change does not always equal growth.

"All change is not growth; as all movement is not forward”
~Ellen Glasgow

Thinking about this a little more I realize that what I attribute to growth is big changes, big risks, but that's not always the case. Personal growth can take shape in many forms and the form that may be taking shape right now for me is an inner shift, a shift to become a little more settled in who I am right now, today. Every big move I've made, every big change I've had has brought me closer to being the woman I want to become, my ideal self. . But let's just be clear in saying that there is more than one version of this woman I aspire to be. So maybe it's okay, for now, to stand still for a while and work on truly accepting the woman that I am, the woman that I have worked so hard to become.

“The strongest principle of growth lies in the human choice.”
~ George Eliot

And my choice is to stand still for a while and just take it all in. Relinquish my new found need to feel control over my future and just be me.


***Why writing is good. Why already after one day I'm diggin' this challenge. When I sat down to start writing I was feeling a little discouraged, a little stressed.. But having taken the time to really think about it all and sort out my thoughts, I am leaving this post feeling a little bit lighter.

and...we're back

It has been 1 year 4 months and about 3 weeks since I have last taught any type of fitness class and last night I broke back in. It wasn't so much a class as me, the man and a couple of girlfriends hitting the beach for some pilates but it felt great. I had no idea just how much I had been missing this until last night.

I am feeling totally rejuvinated and inspired. I keep thinking that I have to wait until I return home before I can really get back into things. But that is just not the case. I feel a plan abrewin'. I know that this is where I belong that this is what I want to do. I also know that I want to continue to travel and see and experience new things. I just need to find a way to bring these two things together.

I will find a way.

***this was the intended end to this entry.....until, the way found me***

...my heart is pounding. I'm not sure why but I just signed up for this 21 day yoga/writing challenge. Impulse! Practice yoga 5 times a week and write 800 words per day. I think maybe this is a challenge for writers, which I am not, however it just feels like the right thing to do. What the f am I going to write about every day? I'm hardly getting in a blog per week. But, I do want to write more and so this will force me to put some of my ideas/thoughts to paper (well, screen really).

Seriously, my heart is pounding. This challenge is a challenge only for myself, I am not being graded or monitored so why is my body reacting this way. Excitement? Anxiety? Fear of failure? d) all of the above.

5 days of yoga a week will be tough, but I know that I can do it! Because this is a personal challenge I am going to tweak this a bit to '5 days on the mat' during the week. Pilates will be making an appearance as well.

As for the writing. 800 words per day may be a bit much for me as I'm not exactly a writer, nor am I actually writing anything. My writing is just rambling. So, I am going to commit to writing every day; no word limit, just writing. This writing may take place here or if it's more personal I will write in my journal...either way though I will keep a record here of what I am doing.

It's funny that just today I was writing about finding a way. I step away from this post for an hour and do my usual net surfing and come across this challenge. If nothing else this will be good practice for me. I started this blog with the intention of re-establishing a daily practice and writing more. I've been dipping my toes in the pool for the last couple of months, and it feels pretty good. This challenge will give me the push I need to just dive in.

Here we go!

layin' back and kickin up'

The hypochondriac in me thinks I have a blood clot, the realist assures me it's from too much idle time at my desk. It's been months now, that I've started to notice a pulsing, swelling feeling in my left calf. It's not painful by any means, but noticeable, uncomfortable. It's the worst at the end of a long day of not doing much.

I spend a fair amount of time at my desk while at school and I try to keep my legs up for most of the time, but come 440 when the final bell rings I am all too aware of the tightness in my calf. Yoga helps, walking helps, pilates helps. But what helps the most and is so so simple......legs up the wall pose. It's such an amazing feeling to just lay back in bed toss the legs up and feel the blood start to drain from my feet as it flows down through my legs.

It has been said by many a yogi that legs up the wall is the asana to ease whatever ails you. It is a more passive, milder version of shoulder stand, which, Iyengar aserts that if we do for 10 minutes every day any physical, mental or emotional ailment we have will be healed. Uh, yes please!

But, I don't want to do shoulder stand for 10 mins every day. Don't get me wrong, I dig a good shoulder stand as part of a session but I'm just totally in love with the anytime kinda feeling of legs up the wall. And so to get these ultimate healing affects I'm going to stick to this pose of ease. And the fact that I can do it in my bed...come on.

Here's why layin' back and kickin' up is good

*Helps to relieve tired and cramped legs and feet by reversing the flow of blood
*You get a sweet little stretch through the back of the legs as well as the back of the neck
*There is an undeniable calming affect on the monkey mind
*Your belly starts to soften and tension leaves the lower back and sacrum
*Anyone can do this pose!

Why isn't everyone doing this pose?

what am I waiting for?

In the last year there has been a lot of reading, a lot of thinking and a lot of talking, but not so much when it comes to the doing. I am a chronic planner with a serious side of procrastination. "I'm going to do this when I go here". It's true that a new location, new job, new week, anything is good inspiration for getting your shit together, but what about today. What's wrong with today?

There are so many things that I want to accomplish in my life and just reading or thinking about them is not going to get me there. I understand that thoughts are the foundation for action, however how long can one stand in the midst of it all without starting to build before they become "all talk".

"The ability to convert ideas to things is the secret to outward success".
~Henry Ward Beecher~

Conversion. Action. Gumption. I need gumption.

I look at other people out there in the world who are around my age and are doing the things that I want to do and are doing them well and I think "that could be me".

And it's not just the big things, like world domination, but the little things, like "I'm going to eat healthier, drink less and save more..." For example a friend of mine advised that I should try to commit to writing a few times a week, saying that 'I am a writer for no other reason than I write'. True enough. So, I'm sitting here at my desk, classes are done for the day and I'm basically just looking for ways to kill time and I think "I should blog", immediately followed by, "I'll just wait until Monday". For me, life starts on Monday. Which means that every Monday I'm slightly disappointed in myself which leads to Tuesday being a big day of goal setting....it's exhausting.

And so what comes out of this? A new plan! A plan to do, to be a doer! Not Monday, not next month, not once I get to the next place, but today!

Ready, set, go!

korea, as I see it...

today I went to the loo
i missed and peed in my shoe
these squatters are hard
it caught me off guard
at least it wasn't a poo

the simple things

There are certain things, simple things that just make the daily that much sweeter. Things that at times I have taken forgranted but have always sent a smile through my body.

* A good book. There is absolutely nothing better than a good book. Whether I'm losing myself entirely into the world of fiction or being inspired by a biograpy, I love the sound the page makes as it turns. I love the smell of new books as well as old and the quiet of the library. Simply put, I just love being around books.

* Walking. Walking is my time for thinking. I make plans on my walks. I get inspired on my walks. I calm myself down through my walks. Walking is great exercise. And the best part is, all of this is happening just by getting to where I'm going.

* Chocolate milk for breakfast!

* Emails. Logging into gmail and having an email from someone from home. Even just the simplest email of hello makes my day. You know what else makes my day, mid-day emails from mj...modern day love letters

* Legs up the wall pose. So simple, so many benefits.

* Personal days. A whole day just for me where I can do or not do whatever I want. Eat veggies and dip, do yoga, go shopping....do it! Eat nachos and dip, sit around in my undies watching project runway....do it! Anything goes on a personal day and I love it!

* The sun! The ocean! The beach!

* Grass. My god, grass. Having lived in Canada all my life I have taken the sweetness of grass for granted. There is nothing like finding a nice patch of grass, spreading out a blanket with a book and some wine and just surrounding myself in nature.

* Yoga/Pilates!!! Just hearing the swoosh the mat makes as it rolls out brings me to a place of happiness. Knowing that no matter where I am or what I'm feeling I can get on my mat and feel at home is a great comfort.

Being here, away from the comforts of home for the last year and a few I have really grown to appreciate the simple things. It can be hard sometimes, being in a foreign country away from friends and family, finding people, things that you connect with. It is these things that help to keep me feeling connected to myself, these things that help me not to lose myself. And in turn, by keeping a sense of self, helping me on a grander scale, to feel connected with everything.

*Note to self

~ don't lose sight of the simple things ~

anatomically focused

I signed up for an online anatomy course a couple of weeks ago. My plan is to do my yoga teacher training in Taiwan in the fall, so I figured a little brush up on anatomy would help with the training.

I am taking this course voluntarily because I know that it will help me better understand the body, which, in turn will help me become a better teacher.

I was super excited to take this course.

I am choosing to do this course.

I know that it's important for me to do this course.

And here I am only two weeks in and already I'm skimming through the readings pulling out the answers for the assignments. What is wrong with me?

Is it laziness? Complacency? I don't know.

This is not the first time that this has happened. Sometimes I wonder how often I pick things up because I really want to do them or because I feel that I should do them....maybe a combination of both. There is a part of me that wants to learn, to study to stay focused. But there is also a part of me that just wants to f around and flit about. I'm telling you 28 is a funny age. Never before have I felt so at odds with myself and what I want. And I am trying, really trying to just go with the flow and let it all happen but it's hard. There is this closeted control freak within that shows her face now and again and begs for a plan of action. I am trying desperately to establish a healthy balance with this woman inside, a balance in which I will hear her voice, and she will not judge.

I am going to try harder to keep my focus.

I am going to try harder to take each day as it comes.

I am going to try harder to let myself just. be. me.

inspiration

I started this blog feeling inspired to write. Spring was just around the corner, I was slowly getting back into a routine on the mat and I felt that I had a lot to write about. And at times I do. Like when I'm walking to and from school and my mind races the whole way making up stories or planning the next 5 years of my life. Or when something comes up between me and the man and I'm emotionally charged I think "these are good things to write about". But then, I get home and the thoughts are gone, or I have a glass of wine and I chill out. And really as much as I want "a side of yoga" to be reflective, I don't want it to all just be about me, what I'm thinking, what I'm doing. I need to find inspiration outside of myself. I need to read more. I need to practise more. I need to get out more.
And more than all of this, I need to start writing more, sometimes just to write. Usually once I get started I find that I do have something to say......just not today.

letting go

Yoga is all about living for today; being present, calm, peaceful. While downward-dogging I find it easier, not easy, but easier, to stay in the now. Tuning in to the breath, lifting up through the arms and grounding down through the legs, breathing, relaxing the neck, focusing the gaze....but outside of yoga, in the real world my mind gets away from me and I lose myself. The brain is a muscle, and like any heatlhy muscle we can train it to do what we want. So why is it so f'ing hard to train my brain to just chill out...to just let go.

It's not even that I find myself obsessing over my past. I have done things in my life that I am proud of and some things that I am not. I have loved and I have lost and am stronger for it. I have come to terms, for the most part with who I am and how I got here. So what is it that I need to let go of? I need to let go of the ideal of what a situation should be like. I need to let go of thinking about the past of others and how it may affect me. I need to let go of constantly trying to plan my future to fit into this little box of what I think I should be doing, who I think I should be becoming.

I really am happy with who I am, but as in all aspects of life I am always looking to the future. Where will I live, what will I do, who will I be? As if where I live and what my occupation is will define me. Regardless of what the next step is, I am consistantly convinced that life will be better, I, will be better. I have been, for some time a victim of the notion that the grass is always greener. And I need to let go of this! I need to be more open to the flow of life, of the universe and trust that everything will work out.

There are so many cliches out there reminding us to slow down, to enjoy the ride....that life is not about the destination but about the journey. Maybe it's time to take these cliches a bit closer to heart. Maybe it is time to stop to smell the roses. Maybe, just maybe, this time I really will be able to just let go and go with the flow....