anatomically focused

I signed up for an online anatomy course a couple of weeks ago. My plan is to do my yoga teacher training in Taiwan in the fall, so I figured a little brush up on anatomy would help with the training.

I am taking this course voluntarily because I know that it will help me better understand the body, which, in turn will help me become a better teacher.

I was super excited to take this course.

I am choosing to do this course.

I know that it's important for me to do this course.

And here I am only two weeks in and already I'm skimming through the readings pulling out the answers for the assignments. What is wrong with me?

Is it laziness? Complacency? I don't know.

This is not the first time that this has happened. Sometimes I wonder how often I pick things up because I really want to do them or because I feel that I should do them....maybe a combination of both. There is a part of me that wants to learn, to study to stay focused. But there is also a part of me that just wants to f around and flit about. I'm telling you 28 is a funny age. Never before have I felt so at odds with myself and what I want. And I am trying, really trying to just go with the flow and let it all happen but it's hard. There is this closeted control freak within that shows her face now and again and begs for a plan of action. I am trying desperately to establish a healthy balance with this woman inside, a balance in which I will hear her voice, and she will not judge.

I am going to try harder to keep my focus.

I am going to try harder to take each day as it comes.

I am going to try harder to let myself just. be. me.