got calm?

I am trying to find some stillness in the daily and it is proving to be a challenge. Initially I thought that it made the most sense to take 10 minutes at the beginning and end of each day to lay back and clear the melon. But really all this amounts to is snoozing for an extra ten in the morning and going to bed earlier by ten in the evening. This, is not working.

It's not that I can't sit still. I can. I can sit still and watch t.v. I can sit still and read a book. I can sit still and knit. But stillness for the sake of stillness makes me anxious. And the anxiety drives my mind into overdrive.

I realise that thoughts are good. Thinking is good. What I'm trying to quiet is the running dialogue that seems to be on auto pilot. I won't even realise that I'm thinking until I tune in and hear the play by play of what's going on. It's as if there is a conversation happening between someone narrating my life and me giving an interview. Constantly.

The other morning I woke up and before I even realised that I was awake my mind was racing and I thought "are you f'ing kidding me? Already. My eyes aren't even open and you're planning the next 48 hours. Can't I just enjoy a Saturday morning of quiet".

I need to learn to control my mind. And after this last week I realise that meditation, like all things is not just something I can do. It requires patience and practise and guidance.

So, on to week two of my quest to calm the crazy. Patience Shawna, patience.

Oh, and I'm using Wherever You Go There You Are by Jon Kabat - Zinn as a guide. Hopefully this helps!

Any other recommended readings??

~peace~