"don't sweat the small stuff".
Today my Korean co-teacher told me that when I first came to Korea (16 months ago), I was "young, bright and shiny". And now I am "old, gloomy and stressed" Whoa.
Let me preface this by saying that Koreans definitely have a way with words and that in their culture talking about your looks, your weight, really anything to do with appearance is a major pass-time. So, I did not take offense to this comment. It did however get me thinking.
The excitement of being in a new country has definitely worn off, and so, yes, a bit of the bright and shiny attitude may have gone with it. Over time I have felt more and more that I'm not really growing here and so with that I guess comes a little of the old gloomy feeling. I knew I needed a bit of a shift in attitude, but I didn't realize it was showing on my face.
Who at 28, or any age really wants to be described as old, gloomy and stressed?
After the excitement of Korea wore off it took me a little while to get settled into my life here. As a teacher, as a girlfriend, as a foreigner. But I have gotten settled and instead of just enjoying the ride, as if on cue, I have started to sress about the future. Brooding really. I'm so afraid that life isn't going to end up just as I want it to that I am aging myself. And the kicker of all of this, I have no idea how I want my life to go. So it seems that any path that I go down may not be the right one...there's a constant drum of "maybe I should have turned left".
It's getting to a point where I'm almost annoyed with myself for spending so much time thinking and worrying about where I'm going to end up. Whether I'm making the right decisions. I need a new focus, I need to settle in, not into the external world but into myself. The choices that I have to make are all good choices. How can I really make a wrong decision when any decision will lead me to something good, something positive.
It's just life.
Chill the 'f' out!
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