what am I waiting for?

In the last year there has been a lot of reading, a lot of thinking and a lot of talking, but not so much when it comes to the doing. I am a chronic planner with a serious side of procrastination. "I'm going to do this when I go here". It's true that a new location, new job, new week, anything is good inspiration for getting your shit together, but what about today. What's wrong with today?

There are so many things that I want to accomplish in my life and just reading or thinking about them is not going to get me there. I understand that thoughts are the foundation for action, however how long can one stand in the midst of it all without starting to build before they become "all talk".

"The ability to convert ideas to things is the secret to outward success".
~Henry Ward Beecher~

Conversion. Action. Gumption. I need gumption.

I look at other people out there in the world who are around my age and are doing the things that I want to do and are doing them well and I think "that could be me".

And it's not just the big things, like world domination, but the little things, like "I'm going to eat healthier, drink less and save more..." For example a friend of mine advised that I should try to commit to writing a few times a week, saying that 'I am a writer for no other reason than I write'. True enough. So, I'm sitting here at my desk, classes are done for the day and I'm basically just looking for ways to kill time and I think "I should blog", immediately followed by, "I'll just wait until Monday". For me, life starts on Monday. Which means that every Monday I'm slightly disappointed in myself which leads to Tuesday being a big day of goal setting....it's exhausting.

And so what comes out of this? A new plan! A plan to do, to be a doer! Not Monday, not next month, not once I get to the next place, but today!

Ready, set, go!

korea, as I see it...

today I went to the loo
i missed and peed in my shoe
these squatters are hard
it caught me off guard
at least it wasn't a poo

the simple things

There are certain things, simple things that just make the daily that much sweeter. Things that at times I have taken forgranted but have always sent a smile through my body.

* A good book. There is absolutely nothing better than a good book. Whether I'm losing myself entirely into the world of fiction or being inspired by a biograpy, I love the sound the page makes as it turns. I love the smell of new books as well as old and the quiet of the library. Simply put, I just love being around books.

* Walking. Walking is my time for thinking. I make plans on my walks. I get inspired on my walks. I calm myself down through my walks. Walking is great exercise. And the best part is, all of this is happening just by getting to where I'm going.

* Chocolate milk for breakfast!

* Emails. Logging into gmail and having an email from someone from home. Even just the simplest email of hello makes my day. You know what else makes my day, mid-day emails from mj...modern day love letters

* Legs up the wall pose. So simple, so many benefits.

* Personal days. A whole day just for me where I can do or not do whatever I want. Eat veggies and dip, do yoga, go shopping....do it! Eat nachos and dip, sit around in my undies watching project runway....do it! Anything goes on a personal day and I love it!

* The sun! The ocean! The beach!

* Grass. My god, grass. Having lived in Canada all my life I have taken the sweetness of grass for granted. There is nothing like finding a nice patch of grass, spreading out a blanket with a book and some wine and just surrounding myself in nature.

* Yoga/Pilates!!! Just hearing the swoosh the mat makes as it rolls out brings me to a place of happiness. Knowing that no matter where I am or what I'm feeling I can get on my mat and feel at home is a great comfort.

Being here, away from the comforts of home for the last year and a few I have really grown to appreciate the simple things. It can be hard sometimes, being in a foreign country away from friends and family, finding people, things that you connect with. It is these things that help to keep me feeling connected to myself, these things that help me not to lose myself. And in turn, by keeping a sense of self, helping me on a grander scale, to feel connected with everything.

*Note to self

~ don't lose sight of the simple things ~

anatomically focused

I signed up for an online anatomy course a couple of weeks ago. My plan is to do my yoga teacher training in Taiwan in the fall, so I figured a little brush up on anatomy would help with the training.

I am taking this course voluntarily because I know that it will help me better understand the body, which, in turn will help me become a better teacher.

I was super excited to take this course.

I am choosing to do this course.

I know that it's important for me to do this course.

And here I am only two weeks in and already I'm skimming through the readings pulling out the answers for the assignments. What is wrong with me?

Is it laziness? Complacency? I don't know.

This is not the first time that this has happened. Sometimes I wonder how often I pick things up because I really want to do them or because I feel that I should do them....maybe a combination of both. There is a part of me that wants to learn, to study to stay focused. But there is also a part of me that just wants to f around and flit about. I'm telling you 28 is a funny age. Never before have I felt so at odds with myself and what I want. And I am trying, really trying to just go with the flow and let it all happen but it's hard. There is this closeted control freak within that shows her face now and again and begs for a plan of action. I am trying desperately to establish a healthy balance with this woman inside, a balance in which I will hear her voice, and she will not judge.

I am going to try harder to keep my focus.

I am going to try harder to take each day as it comes.

I am going to try harder to let myself just. be. me.