indoneeeesia

"Adventure looms large in this vast and steamy archipelago, where the best of Southeast Asia’s spicy melange simmers tantalisingly. Heady scents, vivid colours, dramatic vistas and diverse cultures spin and multiply to the point of exhaustion, their potent brew leaving your senses reeling." ~Lonely Planet

I want to go to there.

A few Sundays ago I bought the Lonely Planet for Indonesia.  Over the last couple of weeks, just flipping through the pages has been enough to leave my heart reeling for the adventure to come.  But now it's official!  Mike and I booked our tickets and are going to be flying into Bali -where we'll be starting our travels - next Friday!  I am so excited.  Like just sitting here typing this thinking of it all has me smiling uncontrollably.  We've dubbed this trip as "the trip of a lifetime".  No pressure right?

I was all pumped up yesterday after booking our ticket and doing some packing, so I rolled out the mat for some yoga.  I had no plan of what to do, I just knew that I needed it.  For the last two weeks I have been getting on the mat almost daily (I am doing pretty well with this challenge if I do say so myself), but my practice hasn't been very varied.  I'm getting over a sprained ankle and so have been sticking to what I know in the world of pilates and getting in some yin yoga through seated postures.  I've been enjoying it and my body is feeling great, but it's been quite repetitive and to-the-point.

But last night, I rolled out the mat and without thinking about it, came to tadasana.  I had no plan of action, just a need to move.  I started off with a couple of sun salutations, nice and slow, holding a lunge here and a plank there.  I then moved into some standing postures allowing myself to take a vinyasa whenever my body wanted the flow.  It was lovely.  I usually go in with a plan.  I always have a plan!  But last night I really did just move from the heart and I could feel myself opening up to the practice.

This is exactly what I needed.  And this is now the plan for Indonesia.  The only plan.  Move from the heart and go with the flow.  Where there's water, I'll swim.  A bench, I'll sit.  A swing, I'll swing.  ...but only if I want to...  I'll stay in one place as long as I like while I open up to my surroundings, or if the mood isn't right, I'll move on and flow to the next spot.

I called myself a yoga poser the other day, but maybe all this random shit I'm reading has actually sunk in a little bit.  Much like what I've been searching for out of my yoga practice,  I want this next few months to be full of curiosity, seva, play, creativity, love, and joy.   And I couldn't be happier than to be sharing it all with my homeboy.

Unity in Diversity - The slogan of this beautiful country...yes please!

will meditate for chocolate

Everyone encounters stress during the daily.  What may be considered stressful for some may not be so for others.  How our bodies react to stress is different from one person to the next.  And how it's handled varies greatly.  But we all get it, and it kinda sucks.

I can tell you this.  Stress makes me tired.  And it shows, all over my face.  If the eyes are the window to the soul, my soul is saying "I need a nap".

I was watching The National the other morning with good'ol Pete Mansbridge and there was a bit on meditation.  Ah meditation, the elusive practice that I so long to get in to.  This particular story was on meditation as a way for people to cope with certain mental disorders; stress, anxiety and depression.  Okay Mansbridge, you have my attention.

The camera scans over a room of 15 or so participants being guided into mindful meditation.  I'm half listening as I eat my eggs and grapefruit and then I see it, a piece of chocolate sitting atop a little pedestal of paper towel in front of each participant.  Okay, now you really have my attention.

This group, is one of many similar groups out there, embarking on an eight-week journey into calm.  The goal is not to cure what ails them but to prepare them to better deal with the daily stresses of life.  To learn to become curious with their emotions rather than running from them or trying to "fix" them right away.

Mindful meditation teaches us to turn our attention inwards.  Noticing how our breath moves, how our body feels.  Taking thoughts that enter our space, acknowledging them and letting them go.  The hope is that once a practitioner of  mindful meditation learns how to notice the body and their thoughts they can start to turn that attention onto their emotions and some of the physical reactions that come along with stress and depression.  Learning to become an observer of their emotions.  Questioning why these thoughts and feelings arise and knowing how to handle them in a healthier way.  A way that isn't fuelled by that nasty knee-jerk reaction of fight or flight. 

Here's the science of it - coles notes style.  Studies have shown with past groups that after the 8 weeks, patients show an increase in activity in the hypocampus, the area of the brain responsible for learning and memory.  In addition to this they found that the amygdala, which is connected to anxiety and stress actually got smaller.   Cool, right.

What does this mean for the patients?   Many are finding that the meditation really does work.   They acknowledge that this is not a cure.  Nor is it something that you can do sporadically and still enjoy the benefits.  This is a serious practice and that's exactly what needs to be done, practice.  It's something that needs to become a part of your day, a part of your life.  It's hard work and takes dedication but the reward is something wonderful.

Some have even had the good fortune of coming off of the medication that they once so heavily depended.  Medications that can be costly and come with unwanted side-effects.  Others, who may still be on their meds,  noted that the meditation helped them to better cope with the ups and downs of life.  It has taught them to come away from the notion of replacing bad thoughts with good and has brought them in to a place of calm and acknowledgement.  A place of understanding.  A place that encourages learning and growth.

...I thought there was mention of chocolate....

As the patients came to the close of their session they were instructed to take that little piece of heaven sitting infront of them and place it in their mouth.  A well deserved treat after a long stint in silence?  Well actually it's more than that.  Just as they had spent the last 20 minutes observing their breath and body it's now time to observe the sensations that come about from the chocolate.  The taste, the texture, the temperature.  How does it feel in your mouth, your throat,  your belly?  How are your body and mind reacting to the chocolate?

Talk about learning to savour the moment.

This, is something I can get on board with. 

Don't have a full 30 minutes to commit to meditation every day.  But still want a little choco-meditation action.  Try this. 

You will need:
1 - a piece of chocolate
2 - the will to not scarf the chocolate

Step 1:  find a calm place and a comfortable position.  Close your eyes.
Step 2:  take a few moments to let go of your day, to tune into your breathing and into your body
Step 3: pop that piece of heaven into your mouth (do not chew)!
Step 4: bring your attention to the sensations of the chocolate as it melts in your mouth.  As thoughts come into your head, acknowledge them, let them go and bring your awareness back to the chocolate. 
Step 5: Savour
Step 6: When the chocolate is finished sit for a few more moments (as many as you like) and bring your attention back to your breath and your body.  How do you feel?
Step 7: Continue on with your day revisiting this feeling whenever you need a little calm.
Step 8: Remind yourself of just how amazing you are...now go on with your bad self!

home.

I woke up this morning to a blanket of snow.   Immediately I thought "oh ya!  snow day!"  In Canada, this much snow would hardly amount to a day off.  But here in Busan, where snow rarely falls, this is means for a day in bed.  Or so I thought. 

So here I am, at school, sitting at my desk staring out the window to a city covered in snow. To a playground full of kiddies, tongues out, catching snowflakes. To the sound of girls squealing as boys with crushes throw snowballs.   This, reminds me of home.  And it makes me smile.

As my time here in Korea comes to an end, I've been thinking of home, or rather, the concept of home.  Everyone wants to know "when will I be coming home".  And the thing is, I don't know.  I don't even really know where "home" is yet.  Over the last ten years I've lived in ten different places.  Some have been in the same city, some just down the street from one another, some big, some small, or others, like this, have taken me across a very big pond.   They've all been different and wonderful but have they really been my home? 

I made the comment the other day that once I'm finished with this life abroad "I want my homebase to be my home".  This, made perfect sense to me, but generated a couple of well-deserved looks of confusion.

What makes up a home?  Is it the sheer structure of a roof held up by four walls.  Is it the smell of chicken soup on the stove on a snowy day?  Is home where the heart is or the place where you  hang your hat?  Can it simply be when I'm on the mat?  Can it be all of these things?  Or none.  Can home reside within?

In 3 weeks I am going to be "homeless".  Mike and I are finished here and will be packing our bags and heading off into the world of travel.  We'll be living out of our packs going from one place to the next for who knows how long only to return to Canada with a big smile, a lot of stories and a little uncertainty as to 'what's next'. 

Since leaving the home where I grew up,  I've moved from place to place, and the word "home" is no longer a physical place of residence.  What I find makes up my home are the little things that keep me feeling connected. 

Heading out for a walk with no destination and letting myself take in all that surrounds me helps me to feel connected to nature.  Having a tea at the local cafe, alternating between reading and people watching helps me feel connected to the people that I am physically sharing this space with.  Yoga.  Whether in the form of a class or my home practice, yoga helps me to feel connected to the spiritual rythm of the universe.  It connects me to myself.

I've learned, and am still learning that as long as I continue to be true to myself and look for those things that keep me connected I will always be able to find the "home" within.

"...I want my homebase to be my home."  I guess all this means is that when I do finally settle I hope that I am in a place where I am settled in myself.  A place where I feel strong and connected to myself and those arround me.  A place where I can face the unknown knowing that "home" is always just around the corner. 

"Every day is a journey, and the journey itself is home." ~ Matsuo Basho

And for your listening pleasure...  This song = big smiles!  Enjoy :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4306i99LMXo

shhh...don't tell

Truth or dare?

Truth

Okay, what are your top 5 dirty little secrets?

Ooh, good one. Here they are.

1) Gossip Girl.  I watch Gossip Girl.  Hello, my name is Shawna and I'm a Gossip Girl aholic.  Okay, wow even just saying it outloud makes me feel better.  This has to be the smuttiest, worst message for teens show out there.  But, I watch it.  And... I kinda (lotta) like it.

2) Taylor Swift. I know every lyric to every song off of her first two albums. The only reason I don't know the words to her third,  simple,  I don't own it yet.

3) Knitting is my new favourite pass-time. I love the sound the wood makes as the needles click together as I knit one purl two. It relaxes me. I can sit and knit for hours and totally lose myself in the project at hand.   Knitting connects me to loved ones. Everything I've knit has been for someone dear to me, so as I sit there, yarn in hand the receiver is always on my mind. It's lovely really.  It's meditative. Counting the stitches the same way you'd count your breath during asana. "In, loop and scoop" becomes my mantra as I work my way through each row. I sit cross legged reminding myself to lengthen my spine and relax my shoulders for a little knitasana.

4) I read more than I do. My yoga practice this year has conisisted of quite a bit more reading about yoga than actually doing yoga. And I'm not talking about reading the Bhagavad Gita or some other ancient yogic text which would enlighten me in some way. I just read random shit on yoga. Which keeps me in the 'yoga loop' but isn't exactly leading to a more yogic lifestyle. Right now, in all honesty, I feel a bit like a yoga poser.

5) I'm a scaredy cat. I'm afraid of the usual things like spiders and sharks and hubcaps flying off of cars and knocking me out. But I also have a huge fear of failure. So what have I been doing...nothing. ~Wow, this is starting to look like a theme of mine.~ I'm so afraid that I'm going to put myself out there and no one is going to grab that I just don't. I want to write. Like for other people to read. And I've started this blog which is good but there are all these other public mediums for me to get involved with - ones that I've even looked into and been given the green light - and I just don't do it. I'm afraid that I won't be good enough, that no one will want to read what I have to say.  Will my writing be interesting enough, quirky enough, meaningful? Will someone come away after reading something I've written and have a reaction to it? Uh, just thinking about it makes me feel funny. I need to learn to detach from these things and just go for it. I admire people who put it all out there and dont' give a damn who bites. Writing is about personal expression and I want to be able to express myself without the need to be validated by others.

So there they are, my 5 dirty little secrets.

Oh, and here's a freebie just for fun...I collect bookmarks...'nuff said.

Your turn. Truth or dare?

ghosts of challenges past

I'm determined to keep this challenge out of the "goal graveyard". That sad place that houses all of my failures. For a time that sad place was more private, like locked away in a journal or in the failing memory of my mind. But now, it's out there for all (5 of you) to see.

What - aside from the fact that my actual new years resolution is to stick to my resolutions - is going to make this challenge different? How can I approach this in such a way as to make sure that I follow through?

Let's get to the root of it.

I think some of the trouble I've had with sticking to things like this in the past has been a lack of reason. I haven't really felt sure about why exactly I was doing certain challenges in the first place. Personal challenges should be fun. But I found that some things I signed up for and started more because I thought that I should be doing them rather than really wanting to do them.

So I ask myself "do I want to do this challenge?" Yes. I do!

I've also had a hard time with perfection...or better put, the lack of perfection. I AM NOT A PERFECTIONIST!!!! However, when I do these challenges I get so frustrated with myself if I miss a day that I end up missing the whole point.

Do I need perfection in my life? No. Is it okay to miss a day? Yes. Okay then, it's settled, I'll be easier on myself.

The other thing, and this is a biggie, is a serious lack of focus on my part. I get side tracked so easily. I'll start a challenge but then something else will catch my attention and in the blink of an eye... wait a minute, what was I saying?

Oh ya, focus. This has been a serious issue of mine lately and something that I'm hoping will improve through a daily practice.

So, why am I doing this challenge?

I love the way that yoga makes me feel. It's both calming and empowering and leaves my body feeling relaxed and strong.

I love writing. It's cathartic. And this isn't always going to be in the form of a blog, but journalling, free writing really helps me to sort out my shit.

These are two things that I love to do, and make me feel great, but actually take a bit of effort to get started. Have I mentioned before that I suffer from a major affliction of l-a-z-y from time to time? I need to get myself into a daily habit of stepping onto the mat and sitting down to hash it all out. It's good for the soul yo!

I know I can do this!

2011, year of the rabbit...year of the "doer".

do-over

Back in June I signed up for this. 21 days of yoga and writing. A great idea that quickly became one of many unfinished challenges of 2010. It did get me writing more and it did get me on the mat more, but sporadically and again, unfinished.

So, when I was cruising yoga journal's site the other day and came across their 21 day yoga challenge I thought "Okay. Do - over."

And with this I present to you...Challenge #1 of 2011

21 days of yoga and writing!

hip hip hooray!