blah blah blah

My saving grace over the last couple of years of not regularly attending yoga classes has been My yoga online. Awesome community based website which allows you to practice with wonderful teachers from all over the world right in your own home. Doesn't get easier (or cheaper) than this.

I have yet to really find a form of yoga that I gravitate towards. I love all styles of yoga, which is great as it allows me to take a variety of classes. I spend about 15 minutes online choosing which class to take before I set up my mat. And it is not the length, level or style of class that I am searching for, it is the instructor. I am searching for an instructor who just knows when enough is enough. Who appreciates the age old saying "silence is golden".

I literally skim through the video before committing to it to see just how much the instructor blabs during the session. As an instructor myself I understand that there are certain cues and reminders that you need to give your students and I am very appreciative of those during a class. However, some instructors it seems talk just to talk, about the philosophy of yoga, the history of yoga. And this to me is a turn off. Which is unfortunate because there have been many sequences that I've done that I've totally dug but won't do again due to the sheer blab factor.

A great benefit of taking classes is taking away little bits and pieces that help you to become a better instructor yourself and I've gotta say one of the main things that I've taken away from various classes is that silence during a session is okay. It gives us time to really focus on the breath, give ourselves our own little cues and reminders. But mainly a little silence just makes the class more personal and enjoyable.

Stalemate

Throughout life there are certain milestones set out for us. Right from birth we start to achieve these things naturally just by growing up. We open our eyes, sit up, start walking, talking, sleep in our own bed. And then we're off to school and with each passing year we graduate on to the next level, constantly moving up the ranks. We complete high school and move on to University or college where for most of us we live out from under the watchful eyes of our parents for the first time. Out of University we get our first "real" job, "real" apartment, start to feel growth in ourselves as we enter the world of adulthood.

I went through these stages and I'm happy to say that I did most of them quite well. It took me some time to get the hang of things but overall I was a pretty happy go lucky hard working (and at times hardly working) girl. I've always felt pretty good about where I've ended up and the progress I've made towards certain goals.

But what happens when you've gone through the stages and you're just not sure what's next.

I have never been great at making decisions, I have, however always been good at going with the flow. And it just so happens that the flow as always lead me in a positive direction, a direction towards personal growth and development. Lately I haven't been feeling very growy... or flowy. I have adjusted quite nicely to my little life here in Korea and for a time I have felt that rather than really living my life I have just been existing. Not moving forward, not moving back....stalemate.

At this point, in the past I would just move. New apartment, new city, new province, new continent...just move and that would push me forward in some way. But I am starting to see that this is not always the answer. New location, new job, new style, change for the sake of change does not always equal growth.

"All change is not growth; as all movement is not forward”
~Ellen Glasgow

Thinking about this a little more I realize that what I attribute to growth is big changes, big risks, but that's not always the case. Personal growth can take shape in many forms and the form that may be taking shape right now for me is an inner shift, a shift to become a little more settled in who I am right now, today. Every big move I've made, every big change I've had has brought me closer to being the woman I want to become, my ideal self. . But let's just be clear in saying that there is more than one version of this woman I aspire to be. So maybe it's okay, for now, to stand still for a while and work on truly accepting the woman that I am, the woman that I have worked so hard to become.

“The strongest principle of growth lies in the human choice.”
~ George Eliot

And my choice is to stand still for a while and just take it all in. Relinquish my new found need to feel control over my future and just be me.


***Why writing is good. Why already after one day I'm diggin' this challenge. When I sat down to start writing I was feeling a little discouraged, a little stressed.. But having taken the time to really think about it all and sort out my thoughts, I am leaving this post feeling a little bit lighter.

and...we're back

It has been 1 year 4 months and about 3 weeks since I have last taught any type of fitness class and last night I broke back in. It wasn't so much a class as me, the man and a couple of girlfriends hitting the beach for some pilates but it felt great. I had no idea just how much I had been missing this until last night.

I am feeling totally rejuvinated and inspired. I keep thinking that I have to wait until I return home before I can really get back into things. But that is just not the case. I feel a plan abrewin'. I know that this is where I belong that this is what I want to do. I also know that I want to continue to travel and see and experience new things. I just need to find a way to bring these two things together.

I will find a way.

***this was the intended end to this entry.....until, the way found me***

...my heart is pounding. I'm not sure why but I just signed up for this 21 day yoga/writing challenge. Impulse! Practice yoga 5 times a week and write 800 words per day. I think maybe this is a challenge for writers, which I am not, however it just feels like the right thing to do. What the f am I going to write about every day? I'm hardly getting in a blog per week. But, I do want to write more and so this will force me to put some of my ideas/thoughts to paper (well, screen really).

Seriously, my heart is pounding. This challenge is a challenge only for myself, I am not being graded or monitored so why is my body reacting this way. Excitement? Anxiety? Fear of failure? d) all of the above.

5 days of yoga a week will be tough, but I know that I can do it! Because this is a personal challenge I am going to tweak this a bit to '5 days on the mat' during the week. Pilates will be making an appearance as well.

As for the writing. 800 words per day may be a bit much for me as I'm not exactly a writer, nor am I actually writing anything. My writing is just rambling. So, I am going to commit to writing every day; no word limit, just writing. This writing may take place here or if it's more personal I will write in my journal...either way though I will keep a record here of what I am doing.

It's funny that just today I was writing about finding a way. I step away from this post for an hour and do my usual net surfing and come across this challenge. If nothing else this will be good practice for me. I started this blog with the intention of re-establishing a daily practice and writing more. I've been dipping my toes in the pool for the last couple of months, and it feels pretty good. This challenge will give me the push I need to just dive in.

Here we go!

layin' back and kickin up'

The hypochondriac in me thinks I have a blood clot, the realist assures me it's from too much idle time at my desk. It's been months now, that I've started to notice a pulsing, swelling feeling in my left calf. It's not painful by any means, but noticeable, uncomfortable. It's the worst at the end of a long day of not doing much.

I spend a fair amount of time at my desk while at school and I try to keep my legs up for most of the time, but come 440 when the final bell rings I am all too aware of the tightness in my calf. Yoga helps, walking helps, pilates helps. But what helps the most and is so so simple......legs up the wall pose. It's such an amazing feeling to just lay back in bed toss the legs up and feel the blood start to drain from my feet as it flows down through my legs.

It has been said by many a yogi that legs up the wall is the asana to ease whatever ails you. It is a more passive, milder version of shoulder stand, which, Iyengar aserts that if we do for 10 minutes every day any physical, mental or emotional ailment we have will be healed. Uh, yes please!

But, I don't want to do shoulder stand for 10 mins every day. Don't get me wrong, I dig a good shoulder stand as part of a session but I'm just totally in love with the anytime kinda feeling of legs up the wall. And so to get these ultimate healing affects I'm going to stick to this pose of ease. And the fact that I can do it in my bed...come on.

Here's why layin' back and kickin' up is good

*Helps to relieve tired and cramped legs and feet by reversing the flow of blood
*You get a sweet little stretch through the back of the legs as well as the back of the neck
*There is an undeniable calming affect on the monkey mind
*Your belly starts to soften and tension leaves the lower back and sacrum
*Anyone can do this pose!

Why isn't everyone doing this pose?