Countdown

Another year has come and gone.  It's that time when we wiggle into our skinny jeans and shiny top (which are a bit tighter from WAY too many Christmas cookies) look forward to letting go of the past year and bringing on the new. Books have been written about it, movies made about it, countdown kisses shared over it. 

New Years Eve!

I've used the remaining prompts from reverb 11 (and some of my own) to set some intentions for the New Year. And for once, neither my body nor my bank account are topics on this list. Come on 2012!!

 10 ~ Karma - Volunteer. Get out there and give back!

  9 ~ Whistle while I work.

 8 ~ Do yoga

 7 ~ Wonder - Keep learning. Keep studying. Embrace curiosity!

 6 ~ Meditate

 5 ~ Gratitude - Be thankful.  Every day.

 4 ~ Write - Open up to the flow of creativity. Write what I feel. Write for myself.  Have the courage to write the truth.  Write from my heart.

 3 ~ Freedom - Don't judge. Just do.

 2 ~ Celebration - Celebrate everything. Celebrate the moment. Celebrate who I am now, today.  Celebrate life.

1 ~ Breathe and Move

 HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!!  Kiss someone you love...unless you have a cold, then a sports guy chest bump will do just fine.

~peace :)

snippets from a travel journal

On Friendship
June 10th, 2011


I'm happy for my old friends who get where I come from, and happy for my 'newer' friends who get where I'm coming from.


On Seeing - What is your vision for your spiritual practice in 2012?
June 17th, 2011


Going home.  Remember to be true. 


On Tapas (Heat) - What stoked your fire?
June 11th, 2011


Things I learned
~ I'm braver than I think
~ My body is stronger that I think
~ I LOVE watermelon
~ I can be naive
~ Backpacking is tough shit
~ To  love and respect my body
~ To embrace my femininity
~ A cold shower won't, in fact, kill me
~ I don't need meat
~ I want to be good.  Not just at what I do but how I live


On Dukha - Misery
April 12th, 2011 - Village of Kalidrum

It's like a scene out of a movie.  A burnt down house.  Only memories of a kitchen remain.  Blackened cabinets, a broken teapot with roses painted across the side.  A lady's teapot.  A row of cracked, stained glasses line the middle shelf.  Stained from what.  Time?  Sulphur?


The edges of what's left of the wall are burnt and crumbled.  Empty door frames stand strong where wooden doors perished in the fire.  volcanic sulphur, 600 degrees whisked this village away after Mt. Merapi errupted back in November.


Bare trees and rubble now occupy this once lush place.  A small bamboo warung has been put up just beside the ruins where I sit.  A small beachy hut.  The blue sky coming in through the open windows a sharp contrast to the destruction left from the blast.

I've never seen something like this.  It seems so small, as if this kitchen once belonged to a little girl.  As if this was all her place of makebelieve and it was all just taken away in an instant.  Devastation.


On Sukha - Happiness
Feb 18th, 2011 (Korea)

This is where it all began, where I really started to feel at 'home'.  The Children's Park.  I remember the first week of school searching for a place with some green, a place to go for walks.  I remember how proud I was the first time I actually found my way here (and even prouder finding my way home after the third try).  Just how independent I felt finding my way through the streets of Busan.  I remember coming here with Mike during his first couple of months here for picnics and falling deeper in love with every bite.
I'm really going to miss Korea.  Even though I wasn't able to verbally communicate with so many of the people I encountered here there was an understanding, a connection that was made anyways, based on feeling and heart and smiles.

reverb 17 - Bhakti - Devotion

What did you devote yourself to in 2011?  How will you devote your energy in 2012?


This year I devoted myself to many things: Yoga, writing, my homeboy, my family.  But most of all I devoted myself to being happy.


Next year I will devote myself to the "moment".  To staying connected to my surroundings, to myself and to the present.


June 12th, 2011


A woman tried to sell me something the other day that I already had.  I declined, politely, letting her know that "I already have one".


"For your sister than."
"I don't have a sister."
"We all have sisters."


In a land made up of villages everyone is family, we all have brothers and sisters.  If one thing was impressed upon me through Yoga Teacher Training it's that 'we are all one'.

Indonesians believe this, they live it. 


I'm sitting here overlooking the ocean, the wind is rustling through the trees and the Bintang is going down smoother than I'd like to admit.  The sky is filled with globs of cotton candy and the sun is checking out for the day.  It's beautiful.  Peaceful.  I do feel 'at one'.


I wonder how I'm going to take this feeling home.  Where an only child is an only child and making your 'own way' is revered.  Independence, individuality, the strength to stand on your own two feet are your trump cards.  Proof that you're making it.  Bigger is better.  Richer, Faster, Stronger.  Where is the love?  Where do I belong?  How can we all be one when we're all trying to one up eachother?


What can I do to make a difference?  As Barbara Kingsolver says "I'm going to be the best animal I can today".  - and spread the message, spread the love!

reverb 16 - trip

Where did you travel this year?  What was your best trip?


Indonesia on a whole was amazing, but what was so great were all the little trips that made up the whole.  One of my favourite trips was to Borobudur to visit the largest buddhist monument in the world.


April 13th


"Up early.  Again.  We arrived at the lookout point long before we needed to.  It was dark.  Quiet.  A blanket of stars.  I wonder if these are the same stars we see at home.  They seem brighter here - expansive - coming down into the walls of the sky.


A strip of yellow comes through the clouds as the sky starts to lighten.  The valley of trees below is covered in mist.  A small peak shines through in the distance.  Is that it?  It must be.  Borobudur.


The sun makes her appearance and we wait patiently as the mist continues to pull back revealing more of the monument.  It's massive.  Sitting up taller than the trees.


Mount Merapi is smoking in the background.  The only sounds are those of birds waking up and the "click" of cameras.


The mist hangs around just long enough to capture the perfect "shot".  Somehow the mist makes this place seem ever more ancient, more spiritual.


I wonder if the men building this thousands of years ago had any  idea just how "big" it would really be.  Travellers coming from all over the world to marvel at the largest Buddhist monument.  Sitting still for just a moment to try to feel that closer connection to the divine.


*I bet they had no idea we'd all be paying $15 to check it out".

April 14th


It's so hard to really capture this place.  To feel as though you're doing it justice.  100 pictures later and I still haven't quite captured it's essence.  I'm not sure words will help.


It's just... huge.  Beautiful.  Detailed.  Immaculate.


Every inch is detailed.  The blue sky and mountains, the perfect backdrop.  Every corner you turn, every new angle gives a new appreciation for its wonder.


I can't stop taking pictures.  I can't look away.  Worried that I'll never see something like this again.  Each Buddha, and there are hundreds, sits in lotus position.  Some are housed while others are open to the sky.  Some remain perfect as if time isn't a factor for them.  Others haven't aged so well.  A missing nose, hand, arm, half a face caved in or the whole head just gone.  These are my favourites.  These imperfect Buddhas lining the way as you make your pilgrimage to Nirvana."

reverb 15 - Scholar

It seems as though each day, each prompt with reverb 11 is bringing me back to yoga and back to Indonesia.  Of course it is.  For this past week of writing I've decided that for each prompt I'm going to share a journal entry from my time abroad.  I'm copying these as is, untouched.  A little glimpse into my mind and my time away :)


reverb 15 - Scholar - What did you study this year

May 3rd, 2011 (Yoga Teacher Training)


I don't quite think I knew what to expect.  I looked at the schedule so I knew I was going to be busy but I had no idea I'd be so tired.  My body is exhausted and sore.  Emotionally I feel like I could break.


A lot of these theme practices we're told will bring up emotions.  The only emotion I'm feeling is frustration.  Frustrated that I can't focus.  I feel distracted in this big class.


But, the classes are amazing!!!  So challenging.  I'm putting myself in new positions each day.  And despite the stiffness I can feel my body opening up.


I just wish I would "land" and find that peace on the mat. 


I'm so excited about the yogic journey that I'm starting and loving that my homeboy is right in on it too.


I can't wait to go even deeper in my practice, and in my reading.  This is the life for me.

reverb recap part deux

I thought I'd share you ALL the babble from this last week and pass on some quotes and songs to represent these prompts. Let someone else's words do the talking.


Reverb 8 - Dharma, The Path - How did you wander well this year?

I wandered all the way to Bali, right into a yoga studio.  This, is my path.

"Yoga is a light, which once lit will never dim". ~B.K.S Iyengar

 Reverb 9 - Resourcefulness - How were you resourceful?  How can you be resourceful?

 Use positivity to bring on inspiration and motivation. Smile. Move.

 "Open up your mind and let light in".

 'Date with Destiny' ~ Nightmares on Wax lyrics

Reverb 10 - Ananda, Bliss 

Joy, I'm learning is a state of mind which can transcend into your state of being. Reconnecting to the simple things has brought me joy.

This song = pure joy

 'Let me lie' ~ Phish   lyrics

  Reverb 11 - Thanks - Write a thank you letter or poem to someone.


The poem to that someone, I've kept for myself.  But I will re-share this poem:

My love letter to Indo

 Reverb 12 - Book - What did you read in 2011 that was most inspirational?

I read a ton of books throughout the year. I wouldn't pick any one as being truly inspirational, however, there were many that got me thinking. Barbara Kingsolver was an author that I returned to time and again over the year. Here are a few gems that have stayed with me.

  "It's what you do that makes your soul".

 “There's such a gulf between yourself and who you were then, but people speak to that other person and it answers; it's like having a stranger as a house guest in your skin.”

 “Close the door. Write with no one looking over your shoulder. Don't try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It's the one and only thing you have to offer.”

  Reverb 13 - Wisdom - What lesson or piece of wisdom did you learn from a child?

 I learned that children see the world the way it should be.

 "Better People" ~  Xavier Rudd lyrics

  Reverb 14 - Jnana, Self-Knowledge - What did you do that was completely out of character?

 I let go. I let myself go with the flow and see where the tides would take me. They took me home :)

reverb recap

Using the prompts from reverb 11 has been a great way to get me writing and reflecting on the past year.

Each day I pour myself a cup of tea and sit down with that days prompt. Here is the coles-notes version of what's been hitting the paper from the first week. I'll spare you the ooey gooey babble.

Warning: If you are tired of hearing me talk about Yoga or Indonesia or how either have shaped my life, stop reading now!

Reverb 1 - Pick a word to represent 2011. Pick a word you would like to represent 2012

2011 - Change “Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.” ~ Jim Rohn ~

2012- Presence "I have arrived. I am home. In the here. In the now. I am solid. I am free. In the ultimate I dwell". ~ Thich Nhat Hahn ~ This is where I want to be.

Reverb 2 - Community - Which community do you belong to?

I don't feel like I belong to any community (sigh), aside from my family, and it upsets me. Something I need to work towards in the New Year is finding my community. I used to pride myself on not "needing" anyone. I realise now how unhealthy that is. Not necessarily to "need" people but to have people in my life who I connect with, who I can learn from and grow with. ...It can't always just be me and my homeboy.

Reverb 3 - Change - What did you let go of? Who did you let go of?

When I think about change I think about the changes that have occurred within - the growth over the last year. I think of new things, thoughts and ideals - what I've learned, what I've experienced. Not about what I've let go of. I see now the importance of acknowledging these things that I've had to give up in order for these changes, this growth, to occur. As though I've had to open up new space within to make room. The big thing that I've let go of are my ideals about who I should be or how things in my life should be. I'm more accepting of myself and my surroundings. This is a nice place to be.

Reverb 4 - Guru - What was the most important lesson you learned?

I learned that happiness is within myself. I learned that I am braver than I think. I learned to be connected with who I am today. This shift happened over the course of the year, but really got it's start in Indonesia. I guess I just never really took the time to get to know myself like that.

Reverb 5 - Dream - What was your dream come true?

Yoga! Indonesia! Practicing yoga in Indonesia!
I was so lucky to have the chance to take that time to explore the country, explore the practice and explore myself.

Reverb 6 - Health - What did you do for your body's benefit?

Yoga!
Quit smoking (pretty much)
Lessened meat intake (pretty much)
Learned to stress less (pretty much)

Reverb 7 - Calm - What quiet beautiful moment do you recall?

There were a lot of serene beautiful moments in 2011. Many from my time in the Gilis. This is the first place where we really unplugged. No t.v, no wifi, no motorized vehicles. Waking up to the sound of roosters. Falling asleep to the sound of geckos. Laying back in the water letting the ocean support me as I float around with the sun on my face. Drowning my chitta vritti, my monkey mind, with the soothing hum of underwater life. Calm. No where to be, no time to keep. Happiness.

And then there were the moments during Yoga Teacher Training where the quiet and calm would be enough to bring me to tears and leave me smiling uncontrollably all in the same moment. Actually feeling the love flow through me. Uh, I know, I just wrote that...I guess I had to include a bit of the "ooey gooey"

Are we noticing a pattern here? Yoga, blah blah blah. Indonesia, blah blah blah. Hopefully the prompts for week two will give me something else to write about.

~peace :)

the fearful say what

What?

I sat on my hands and I missed my chance.

I have been reading Elephant Journal for about the same amount of time as I've been keeping this blog. I have always had the intention of posting for their site. I started the Seven Spiritual Laws of Yoga series with the intention of submitting it to EJ. This, is a series I started last May. This is a series that interests me and I take pride in writing about. This is a series that a) I did not finish and b) I did not submit. So I finally muster the nerve to submit it to EJ and re-re-read the book and finish the series. I send in my query and a day goes by and I don't hear back, and then another, and my fear of being rejected impatience gets the best of me and I take a look through the site and see that someone else has already submitted a series of posts covering the seven laws.

Blurgh! Not only has this already been covered, but it's been covered really well, in a really creative way.

What was I waiting for?

During my usual 'net' time yesterday I came across yet another writing project: Reverb 11. And the first exercise was to pick a word that would describe my year of 2011. I donned my meditation necklace, grabbed a pen and journal and let the words flow. There were the obvious words: yoga, travel, adventure, change and growth. And then there were words that wrote themselves: Fear, frustration, limits. These are the words that stand in my way. Fear. I am fearful.

The ironic thing, is that the first law in Chopra's book is "pure potentiality". Finding stillness, letting go of your ego. Coming out of a fear-based state of being. I waited to post, because I cared what people would think. I was afraid that no one would read what I had wrote, or worse still, no one would like it. Scratch that, I was afraid of how I would feel if even one person didn't like it. Ego.

When we talk of ego and having an ego it's not about being an ego-maniac. It's about the fact that we all have an ego and it likes to be stroked. It's about being comfortable in yourself and learning to detach from your ego. Slowly, I'm getting there. Moment by moment. I'm finding a place in myself where I feel quite at peace with who I am and what I think and my ego isn't as fragile as it once was.

So here I am, ready to post and I missed my chance to post something original. My ego stood in my way. Down boy. Sit BooBoo sit.