Countdown

Another year has come and gone.  It's that time when we wiggle into our skinny jeans and shiny top (which are a bit tighter from WAY too many Christmas cookies) look forward to letting go of the past year and bringing on the new. Books have been written about it, movies made about it, countdown kisses shared over it. 

New Years Eve!

I've used the remaining prompts from reverb 11 (and some of my own) to set some intentions for the New Year. And for once, neither my body nor my bank account are topics on this list. Come on 2012!!

 10 ~ Karma - Volunteer. Get out there and give back!

  9 ~ Whistle while I work.

 8 ~ Do yoga

 7 ~ Wonder - Keep learning. Keep studying. Embrace curiosity!

 6 ~ Meditate

 5 ~ Gratitude - Be thankful.  Every day.

 4 ~ Write - Open up to the flow of creativity. Write what I feel. Write for myself.  Have the courage to write the truth.  Write from my heart.

 3 ~ Freedom - Don't judge. Just do.

 2 ~ Celebration - Celebrate everything. Celebrate the moment. Celebrate who I am now, today.  Celebrate life.

1 ~ Breathe and Move

 HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!!  Kiss someone you love...unless you have a cold, then a sports guy chest bump will do just fine.

~peace :)

snippets from a travel journal

On Friendship
June 10th, 2011


I'm happy for my old friends who get where I come from, and happy for my 'newer' friends who get where I'm coming from.


On Seeing - What is your vision for your spiritual practice in 2012?
June 17th, 2011


Going home.  Remember to be true. 


On Tapas (Heat) - What stoked your fire?
June 11th, 2011


Things I learned
~ I'm braver than I think
~ My body is stronger that I think
~ I LOVE watermelon
~ I can be naive
~ Backpacking is tough shit
~ To  love and respect my body
~ To embrace my femininity
~ A cold shower won't, in fact, kill me
~ I don't need meat
~ I want to be good.  Not just at what I do but how I live


On Dukha - Misery
April 12th, 2011 - Village of Kalidrum

It's like a scene out of a movie.  A burnt down house.  Only memories of a kitchen remain.  Blackened cabinets, a broken teapot with roses painted across the side.  A lady's teapot.  A row of cracked, stained glasses line the middle shelf.  Stained from what.  Time?  Sulphur?


The edges of what's left of the wall are burnt and crumbled.  Empty door frames stand strong where wooden doors perished in the fire.  volcanic sulphur, 600 degrees whisked this village away after Mt. Merapi errupted back in November.


Bare trees and rubble now occupy this once lush place.  A small bamboo warung has been put up just beside the ruins where I sit.  A small beachy hut.  The blue sky coming in through the open windows a sharp contrast to the destruction left from the blast.

I've never seen something like this.  It seems so small, as if this kitchen once belonged to a little girl.  As if this was all her place of makebelieve and it was all just taken away in an instant.  Devastation.


On Sukha - Happiness
Feb 18th, 2011 (Korea)

This is where it all began, where I really started to feel at 'home'.  The Children's Park.  I remember the first week of school searching for a place with some green, a place to go for walks.  I remember how proud I was the first time I actually found my way here (and even prouder finding my way home after the third try).  Just how independent I felt finding my way through the streets of Busan.  I remember coming here with Mike during his first couple of months here for picnics and falling deeper in love with every bite.
I'm really going to miss Korea.  Even though I wasn't able to verbally communicate with so many of the people I encountered here there was an understanding, a connection that was made anyways, based on feeling and heart and smiles.

reverb 17 - Bhakti - Devotion

What did you devote yourself to in 2011?  How will you devote your energy in 2012?


This year I devoted myself to many things: Yoga, writing, my homeboy, my family.  But most of all I devoted myself to being happy.


Next year I will devote myself to the "moment".  To staying connected to my surroundings, to myself and to the present.


June 12th, 2011


A woman tried to sell me something the other day that I already had.  I declined, politely, letting her know that "I already have one".


"For your sister than."
"I don't have a sister."
"We all have sisters."


In a land made up of villages everyone is family, we all have brothers and sisters.  If one thing was impressed upon me through Yoga Teacher Training it's that 'we are all one'.

Indonesians believe this, they live it. 


I'm sitting here overlooking the ocean, the wind is rustling through the trees and the Bintang is going down smoother than I'd like to admit.  The sky is filled with globs of cotton candy and the sun is checking out for the day.  It's beautiful.  Peaceful.  I do feel 'at one'.


I wonder how I'm going to take this feeling home.  Where an only child is an only child and making your 'own way' is revered.  Independence, individuality, the strength to stand on your own two feet are your trump cards.  Proof that you're making it.  Bigger is better.  Richer, Faster, Stronger.  Where is the love?  Where do I belong?  How can we all be one when we're all trying to one up eachother?


What can I do to make a difference?  As Barbara Kingsolver says "I'm going to be the best animal I can today".  - and spread the message, spread the love!

reverb 16 - trip

Where did you travel this year?  What was your best trip?


Indonesia on a whole was amazing, but what was so great were all the little trips that made up the whole.  One of my favourite trips was to Borobudur to visit the largest buddhist monument in the world.


April 13th


"Up early.  Again.  We arrived at the lookout point long before we needed to.  It was dark.  Quiet.  A blanket of stars.  I wonder if these are the same stars we see at home.  They seem brighter here - expansive - coming down into the walls of the sky.


A strip of yellow comes through the clouds as the sky starts to lighten.  The valley of trees below is covered in mist.  A small peak shines through in the distance.  Is that it?  It must be.  Borobudur.


The sun makes her appearance and we wait patiently as the mist continues to pull back revealing more of the monument.  It's massive.  Sitting up taller than the trees.


Mount Merapi is smoking in the background.  The only sounds are those of birds waking up and the "click" of cameras.


The mist hangs around just long enough to capture the perfect "shot".  Somehow the mist makes this place seem ever more ancient, more spiritual.


I wonder if the men building this thousands of years ago had any  idea just how "big" it would really be.  Travellers coming from all over the world to marvel at the largest Buddhist monument.  Sitting still for just a moment to try to feel that closer connection to the divine.


*I bet they had no idea we'd all be paying $15 to check it out".

April 14th


It's so hard to really capture this place.  To feel as though you're doing it justice.  100 pictures later and I still haven't quite captured it's essence.  I'm not sure words will help.


It's just... huge.  Beautiful.  Detailed.  Immaculate.


Every inch is detailed.  The blue sky and mountains, the perfect backdrop.  Every corner you turn, every new angle gives a new appreciation for its wonder.


I can't stop taking pictures.  I can't look away.  Worried that I'll never see something like this again.  Each Buddha, and there are hundreds, sits in lotus position.  Some are housed while others are open to the sky.  Some remain perfect as if time isn't a factor for them.  Others haven't aged so well.  A missing nose, hand, arm, half a face caved in or the whole head just gone.  These are my favourites.  These imperfect Buddhas lining the way as you make your pilgrimage to Nirvana."

reverb 15 - Scholar

It seems as though each day, each prompt with reverb 11 is bringing me back to yoga and back to Indonesia.  Of course it is.  For this past week of writing I've decided that for each prompt I'm going to share a journal entry from my time abroad.  I'm copying these as is, untouched.  A little glimpse into my mind and my time away :)


reverb 15 - Scholar - What did you study this year

May 3rd, 2011 (Yoga Teacher Training)


I don't quite think I knew what to expect.  I looked at the schedule so I knew I was going to be busy but I had no idea I'd be so tired.  My body is exhausted and sore.  Emotionally I feel like I could break.


A lot of these theme practices we're told will bring up emotions.  The only emotion I'm feeling is frustration.  Frustrated that I can't focus.  I feel distracted in this big class.


But, the classes are amazing!!!  So challenging.  I'm putting myself in new positions each day.  And despite the stiffness I can feel my body opening up.


I just wish I would "land" and find that peace on the mat. 


I'm so excited about the yogic journey that I'm starting and loving that my homeboy is right in on it too.


I can't wait to go even deeper in my practice, and in my reading.  This is the life for me.

reverb recap part deux

I thought I'd share you ALL the babble from this last week and pass on some quotes and songs to represent these prompts. Let someone else's words do the talking.


Reverb 8 - Dharma, The Path - How did you wander well this year?

I wandered all the way to Bali, right into a yoga studio.  This, is my path.

"Yoga is a light, which once lit will never dim". ~B.K.S Iyengar

 Reverb 9 - Resourcefulness - How were you resourceful?  How can you be resourceful?

 Use positivity to bring on inspiration and motivation. Smile. Move.

 "Open up your mind and let light in".

 'Date with Destiny' ~ Nightmares on Wax lyrics

Reverb 10 - Ananda, Bliss 

Joy, I'm learning is a state of mind which can transcend into your state of being. Reconnecting to the simple things has brought me joy.

This song = pure joy

 'Let me lie' ~ Phish   lyrics

  Reverb 11 - Thanks - Write a thank you letter or poem to someone.


The poem to that someone, I've kept for myself.  But I will re-share this poem:

My love letter to Indo

 Reverb 12 - Book - What did you read in 2011 that was most inspirational?

I read a ton of books throughout the year. I wouldn't pick any one as being truly inspirational, however, there were many that got me thinking. Barbara Kingsolver was an author that I returned to time and again over the year. Here are a few gems that have stayed with me.

  "It's what you do that makes your soul".

 “There's such a gulf between yourself and who you were then, but people speak to that other person and it answers; it's like having a stranger as a house guest in your skin.”

 “Close the door. Write with no one looking over your shoulder. Don't try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It's the one and only thing you have to offer.”

  Reverb 13 - Wisdom - What lesson or piece of wisdom did you learn from a child?

 I learned that children see the world the way it should be.

 "Better People" ~  Xavier Rudd lyrics

  Reverb 14 - Jnana, Self-Knowledge - What did you do that was completely out of character?

 I let go. I let myself go with the flow and see where the tides would take me. They took me home :)

reverb recap

Using the prompts from reverb 11 has been a great way to get me writing and reflecting on the past year.

Each day I pour myself a cup of tea and sit down with that days prompt. Here is the coles-notes version of what's been hitting the paper from the first week. I'll spare you the ooey gooey babble.

Warning: If you are tired of hearing me talk about Yoga or Indonesia or how either have shaped my life, stop reading now!

Reverb 1 - Pick a word to represent 2011. Pick a word you would like to represent 2012

2011 - Change “Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.” ~ Jim Rohn ~

2012- Presence "I have arrived. I am home. In the here. In the now. I am solid. I am free. In the ultimate I dwell". ~ Thich Nhat Hahn ~ This is where I want to be.

Reverb 2 - Community - Which community do you belong to?

I don't feel like I belong to any community (sigh), aside from my family, and it upsets me. Something I need to work towards in the New Year is finding my community. I used to pride myself on not "needing" anyone. I realise now how unhealthy that is. Not necessarily to "need" people but to have people in my life who I connect with, who I can learn from and grow with. ...It can't always just be me and my homeboy.

Reverb 3 - Change - What did you let go of? Who did you let go of?

When I think about change I think about the changes that have occurred within - the growth over the last year. I think of new things, thoughts and ideals - what I've learned, what I've experienced. Not about what I've let go of. I see now the importance of acknowledging these things that I've had to give up in order for these changes, this growth, to occur. As though I've had to open up new space within to make room. The big thing that I've let go of are my ideals about who I should be or how things in my life should be. I'm more accepting of myself and my surroundings. This is a nice place to be.

Reverb 4 - Guru - What was the most important lesson you learned?

I learned that happiness is within myself. I learned that I am braver than I think. I learned to be connected with who I am today. This shift happened over the course of the year, but really got it's start in Indonesia. I guess I just never really took the time to get to know myself like that.

Reverb 5 - Dream - What was your dream come true?

Yoga! Indonesia! Practicing yoga in Indonesia!
I was so lucky to have the chance to take that time to explore the country, explore the practice and explore myself.

Reverb 6 - Health - What did you do for your body's benefit?

Yoga!
Quit smoking (pretty much)
Lessened meat intake (pretty much)
Learned to stress less (pretty much)

Reverb 7 - Calm - What quiet beautiful moment do you recall?

There were a lot of serene beautiful moments in 2011. Many from my time in the Gilis. This is the first place where we really unplugged. No t.v, no wifi, no motorized vehicles. Waking up to the sound of roosters. Falling asleep to the sound of geckos. Laying back in the water letting the ocean support me as I float around with the sun on my face. Drowning my chitta vritti, my monkey mind, with the soothing hum of underwater life. Calm. No where to be, no time to keep. Happiness.

And then there were the moments during Yoga Teacher Training where the quiet and calm would be enough to bring me to tears and leave me smiling uncontrollably all in the same moment. Actually feeling the love flow through me. Uh, I know, I just wrote that...I guess I had to include a bit of the "ooey gooey"

Are we noticing a pattern here? Yoga, blah blah blah. Indonesia, blah blah blah. Hopefully the prompts for week two will give me something else to write about.

~peace :)

the fearful say what

What?

I sat on my hands and I missed my chance.

I have been reading Elephant Journal for about the same amount of time as I've been keeping this blog. I have always had the intention of posting for their site. I started the Seven Spiritual Laws of Yoga series with the intention of submitting it to EJ. This, is a series I started last May. This is a series that interests me and I take pride in writing about. This is a series that a) I did not finish and b) I did not submit. So I finally muster the nerve to submit it to EJ and re-re-read the book and finish the series. I send in my query and a day goes by and I don't hear back, and then another, and my fear of being rejected impatience gets the best of me and I take a look through the site and see that someone else has already submitted a series of posts covering the seven laws.

Blurgh! Not only has this already been covered, but it's been covered really well, in a really creative way.

What was I waiting for?

During my usual 'net' time yesterday I came across yet another writing project: Reverb 11. And the first exercise was to pick a word that would describe my year of 2011. I donned my meditation necklace, grabbed a pen and journal and let the words flow. There were the obvious words: yoga, travel, adventure, change and growth. And then there were words that wrote themselves: Fear, frustration, limits. These are the words that stand in my way. Fear. I am fearful.

The ironic thing, is that the first law in Chopra's book is "pure potentiality". Finding stillness, letting go of your ego. Coming out of a fear-based state of being. I waited to post, because I cared what people would think. I was afraid that no one would read what I had wrote, or worse still, no one would like it. Scratch that, I was afraid of how I would feel if even one person didn't like it. Ego.

When we talk of ego and having an ego it's not about being an ego-maniac. It's about the fact that we all have an ego and it likes to be stroked. It's about being comfortable in yourself and learning to detach from your ego. Slowly, I'm getting there. Moment by moment. I'm finding a place in myself where I feel quite at peace with who I am and what I think and my ego isn't as fragile as it once was.

So here I am, ready to post and I missed my chance to post something original. My ego stood in my way. Down boy. Sit BooBoo sit.

pop culture stunted my growth

Check me out on Elephant Journal!!!!

~How Justin Bieber Stole my Summer~

Dear Diary,

The stillness has come. I was searching, and I think I found it. I have fallen in love with Yoga. The practice, the history, the philosophy and the sanskrit. I want to bundle it up and call it my own. This is my path. This is how I’m going to make a difference.

I spent four months schleppin’ my goods around Indonesia searching for something greater. I found it in the people, the music, nature and a yoga studio. With a 30 pound bag and Lonely Planet in hand, I set upon a journey to find The Truth.

After two years in the high tech world of South Korea, I was ready to fully embrace the island life. A place where cable and internet are considered luxuries and beer is the most expensive thing on the menu. It was easy to unplug and disconnect from the outside world, which was a welcome change which slowed me down, allowing time to sit and breathe and think.

I was happy. I drank less, read more and even gave up meat.

click here to read the rest of the article!

we are all one

Murmuration

A chance encounter and shared moment with one of natures greatest and most fleeting phenomena.

Check it out!


Murmuration from Sophie Windsor Clive on Vimeo.

stretch and decompress

What do you do when you're feeling sore from too much yoga?  Do more yoga!

My body is sore and tired.  I've recently taken on more classes and yesterdays schedule kicked my ass.  I have a nice little mix throughout the week between classes and privates.   But yesterday was a day full of classes and it was exhausting.  When teaching a one-one session I demo here and there but mainly rely on verbal cueing, physical adjustments and gossiping during down dog.  Aside from the odd dry throat from yammering on, it doesn't take much out of me.

But yesterday I taught four classes, three of which were back to back.  These were core flow classes which is a mix between Pilates and yoga.  By the third class I had a serious case of the wobbles in warrior 1, by the fourth class I all but fell over.  These are beginner classes with people who have "heard" of yoga and want to give it a try.  They don't know their chaturanga from their vrksasana and don't seem to care.  They want and NEED the visual.

Having made the decision to pursue yoga as my "career" I'm thankful for any classes that come my way.  It's tough building up a full time schedule teaching yoga.   So when a clinic offers me 3 classes in a row, I take it.  I just might fall over in the process.

Here's a little flow I use to help stretch and decompress.

Moving slowly.  Flow in and out of each pose a few times before settling in for 10 breaths.  Stay longer if it feels good!  Take your time and enjoy!

waiting

Every now and then I read something that feels as though it flowed through me, like it could have been my words.  Something that resonates and settles deep within. I had a yoga class tonight and spent some time this avo searching for the right poem to close the class.  This is what I found:

“Waiting” by Leza Lowitz


You keep waiting for something to happen,
the thing that lifts you out of yourself,


catapults you into doing all the things you’ve put off
the great things you’re meant to do in your life,


but somehow never quite get to.


You keep waiting for the planets to shift
the new moon to bring news,
the universe to align, something to give.


Meanwhile, the piles of papers, the laundry, the dishes, the job—
it all stacks up while you keep hoping


for some miracle to blast down upon you,
scattering the piles to the winds.


Sometimes you lie in bed, terrified of your life.

Sometimes you laugh at the privilege of waking.


But all the while, life goes on in its messy way.


And then you turn forty. Or fifty. Or sixty…
and some part of you realizes you are not alone


and you find signs of this in the animal kingdom –


when a snake sheds its skin its eyes glaze over,
it slinks under a rock, not wanting to be touched,


and when caterpillar turns to butterfly
if the pupa is brushed, it will die—
and when the bird taps its beak hungrily against the egg
It’s because the thing is too small, too small,
and it needs to break out.


And midlife walks you into that wisdom


that this is what transformation looks like—
the mess of it, the tapping at the walls of your life,


the yearning and writhing and pushing,


until one day, one day


you emerge from the wreck


embracing both the immense dawn


and the dusk of the body,

glistening, beautiful

just as you are.

It was in that first line, You keep waiting for something to happen, the thing that lifts you out of yourself, that had me hooked.

~much love~

a letter of love

I'm back from Indonesia and missing it with every ounce of my being.  I'm not sure how I can express all that I learned and experienced and really do this magical place justice.  A love letter perhaps, will have to do for now.


I laughed more than I thought I could
danced more than I thought I would
fell in love with your world and the people who fill it
through yoga I learned it's okay if you spill it


in Borobudur I played with the children
no mother, no father, just big hopes they were fillin'


my feet had an itch they were longing to scratch
your beaches and jungles and temples did that


my soul had a spot it was looking to fill
up dog, down dog, for once I was still


I learned of the Truth, of the body and peace
through study and practice my mind felt at ease


this something, the what, the unknown I've been searching
I found on a whim on an island afar


my soul now complete
no itch in my feet


the sunsets and boatrides and music I'll miss
to you my dear Indo I blow a big kiss


through you I was able to learn of myself


much love and much thanks are coming from me


I took more than I dreamed


terima kasih

no shirt, no shoes, no problem

                         

We’ve been staying at Tanga Bungalows on Gili Air Island for the last six nights. Which means, that for the last six nights, we’ve been woken up at 4am to a symphony of sounds that set off the day.

There’s a mosque in the village which sounds off a prayer reminder a few times throughout the day. This, is the first thing I hear. I have different reactions to this from morning to morning. At times I feel quite at one with the chanting, feeling my connection to the island and its people. At times I wake up completely irked by this “noise pollution” and with a loud huff turn over and dig my head deeper into the pillow. Who, I ask, is up at this time praying”?

This is followed by the roosters which start up well before sunrise. They are loud and constant and are joined by a melody of birds all singing their wake up call to a different tune.

As all of this is going on there is an occasional, deep “mooooo” from one of the cows that share the field with us. Mike and I agree that this is less of the cows trying to get in on the action and more of them saying “yo, I’m trying to sleep here”.

From time to time there is a laugh or cry from one of the local kids which reminds us of our proximity to the village. We are guests here on their island. And as we sit here reading our kindles, drinking our tea and contemplating our next move there is a whole world taking place behind us. A world of work and bartering. School and prayers.

Each morning we sit here for a couple of hours and take it all in. We then head out down the little mud path about 200 m to the “road”. The flip flop of our sandals is masked by the sound of the wind rustling through the palm trees and the buzz of the flies hassling the cows.

We reach the road and are greeted by “brotha you want to go snorkeling today?” “Sista you need some pineapple, maybe a sarong”? It’s the same thing every day, every 10 meters. But it’s met with smiles each and every time as it’s hard not to smile when the air is filled with sounds of waves crashing up on the shore.

As we wander around we’ll have to step aside when we hear the jingle-jangle/clip clop of the horses dressed up in bells that are taxiing both locals and tourists about the island. There are no cars here. No pavement. Just horse and buggies and sandy roads.

At the end of the day we head back to our oasis. We’ll take a minute to pause and share a good laugh over the two geese that live at the end of our path who continually honk about while following each other around in circles. Back up the mud path the moonlight casts a shadow over the palm trees and we make our way up to our “home” and settle into bed. We drift off to the hum of crickets and the “giggety giggety” of the geckos scampering across the ceiling calling to their friends.

Another day has come and gone on Gili Air.





indoneeeesia

"Adventure looms large in this vast and steamy archipelago, where the best of Southeast Asia’s spicy melange simmers tantalisingly. Heady scents, vivid colours, dramatic vistas and diverse cultures spin and multiply to the point of exhaustion, their potent brew leaving your senses reeling." ~Lonely Planet

I want to go to there.

A few Sundays ago I bought the Lonely Planet for Indonesia.  Over the last couple of weeks, just flipping through the pages has been enough to leave my heart reeling for the adventure to come.  But now it's official!  Mike and I booked our tickets and are going to be flying into Bali -where we'll be starting our travels - next Friday!  I am so excited.  Like just sitting here typing this thinking of it all has me smiling uncontrollably.  We've dubbed this trip as "the trip of a lifetime".  No pressure right?

I was all pumped up yesterday after booking our ticket and doing some packing, so I rolled out the mat for some yoga.  I had no plan of what to do, I just knew that I needed it.  For the last two weeks I have been getting on the mat almost daily (I am doing pretty well with this challenge if I do say so myself), but my practice hasn't been very varied.  I'm getting over a sprained ankle and so have been sticking to what I know in the world of pilates and getting in some yin yoga through seated postures.  I've been enjoying it and my body is feeling great, but it's been quite repetitive and to-the-point.

But last night, I rolled out the mat and without thinking about it, came to tadasana.  I had no plan of action, just a need to move.  I started off with a couple of sun salutations, nice and slow, holding a lunge here and a plank there.  I then moved into some standing postures allowing myself to take a vinyasa whenever my body wanted the flow.  It was lovely.  I usually go in with a plan.  I always have a plan!  But last night I really did just move from the heart and I could feel myself opening up to the practice.

This is exactly what I needed.  And this is now the plan for Indonesia.  The only plan.  Move from the heart and go with the flow.  Where there's water, I'll swim.  A bench, I'll sit.  A swing, I'll swing.  ...but only if I want to...  I'll stay in one place as long as I like while I open up to my surroundings, or if the mood isn't right, I'll move on and flow to the next spot.

I called myself a yoga poser the other day, but maybe all this random shit I'm reading has actually sunk in a little bit.  Much like what I've been searching for out of my yoga practice,  I want this next few months to be full of curiosity, seva, play, creativity, love, and joy.   And I couldn't be happier than to be sharing it all with my homeboy.

Unity in Diversity - The slogan of this beautiful country...yes please!

will meditate for chocolate

Everyone encounters stress during the daily.  What may be considered stressful for some may not be so for others.  How our bodies react to stress is different from one person to the next.  And how it's handled varies greatly.  But we all get it, and it kinda sucks.

I can tell you this.  Stress makes me tired.  And it shows, all over my face.  If the eyes are the window to the soul, my soul is saying "I need a nap".

I was watching The National the other morning with good'ol Pete Mansbridge and there was a bit on meditation.  Ah meditation, the elusive practice that I so long to get in to.  This particular story was on meditation as a way for people to cope with certain mental disorders; stress, anxiety and depression.  Okay Mansbridge, you have my attention.

The camera scans over a room of 15 or so participants being guided into mindful meditation.  I'm half listening as I eat my eggs and grapefruit and then I see it, a piece of chocolate sitting atop a little pedestal of paper towel in front of each participant.  Okay, now you really have my attention.

This group, is one of many similar groups out there, embarking on an eight-week journey into calm.  The goal is not to cure what ails them but to prepare them to better deal with the daily stresses of life.  To learn to become curious with their emotions rather than running from them or trying to "fix" them right away.

Mindful meditation teaches us to turn our attention inwards.  Noticing how our breath moves, how our body feels.  Taking thoughts that enter our space, acknowledging them and letting them go.  The hope is that once a practitioner of  mindful meditation learns how to notice the body and their thoughts they can start to turn that attention onto their emotions and some of the physical reactions that come along with stress and depression.  Learning to become an observer of their emotions.  Questioning why these thoughts and feelings arise and knowing how to handle them in a healthier way.  A way that isn't fuelled by that nasty knee-jerk reaction of fight or flight. 

Here's the science of it - coles notes style.  Studies have shown with past groups that after the 8 weeks, patients show an increase in activity in the hypocampus, the area of the brain responsible for learning and memory.  In addition to this they found that the amygdala, which is connected to anxiety and stress actually got smaller.   Cool, right.

What does this mean for the patients?   Many are finding that the meditation really does work.   They acknowledge that this is not a cure.  Nor is it something that you can do sporadically and still enjoy the benefits.  This is a serious practice and that's exactly what needs to be done, practice.  It's something that needs to become a part of your day, a part of your life.  It's hard work and takes dedication but the reward is something wonderful.

Some have even had the good fortune of coming off of the medication that they once so heavily depended.  Medications that can be costly and come with unwanted side-effects.  Others, who may still be on their meds,  noted that the meditation helped them to better cope with the ups and downs of life.  It has taught them to come away from the notion of replacing bad thoughts with good and has brought them in to a place of calm and acknowledgement.  A place of understanding.  A place that encourages learning and growth.

...I thought there was mention of chocolate....

As the patients came to the close of their session they were instructed to take that little piece of heaven sitting infront of them and place it in their mouth.  A well deserved treat after a long stint in silence?  Well actually it's more than that.  Just as they had spent the last 20 minutes observing their breath and body it's now time to observe the sensations that come about from the chocolate.  The taste, the texture, the temperature.  How does it feel in your mouth, your throat,  your belly?  How are your body and mind reacting to the chocolate?

Talk about learning to savour the moment.

This, is something I can get on board with. 

Don't have a full 30 minutes to commit to meditation every day.  But still want a little choco-meditation action.  Try this. 

You will need:
1 - a piece of chocolate
2 - the will to not scarf the chocolate

Step 1:  find a calm place and a comfortable position.  Close your eyes.
Step 2:  take a few moments to let go of your day, to tune into your breathing and into your body
Step 3: pop that piece of heaven into your mouth (do not chew)!
Step 4: bring your attention to the sensations of the chocolate as it melts in your mouth.  As thoughts come into your head, acknowledge them, let them go and bring your awareness back to the chocolate. 
Step 5: Savour
Step 6: When the chocolate is finished sit for a few more moments (as many as you like) and bring your attention back to your breath and your body.  How do you feel?
Step 7: Continue on with your day revisiting this feeling whenever you need a little calm.
Step 8: Remind yourself of just how amazing you are...now go on with your bad self!

home.

I woke up this morning to a blanket of snow.   Immediately I thought "oh ya!  snow day!"  In Canada, this much snow would hardly amount to a day off.  But here in Busan, where snow rarely falls, this is means for a day in bed.  Or so I thought. 

So here I am, at school, sitting at my desk staring out the window to a city covered in snow. To a playground full of kiddies, tongues out, catching snowflakes. To the sound of girls squealing as boys with crushes throw snowballs.   This, reminds me of home.  And it makes me smile.

As my time here in Korea comes to an end, I've been thinking of home, or rather, the concept of home.  Everyone wants to know "when will I be coming home".  And the thing is, I don't know.  I don't even really know where "home" is yet.  Over the last ten years I've lived in ten different places.  Some have been in the same city, some just down the street from one another, some big, some small, or others, like this, have taken me across a very big pond.   They've all been different and wonderful but have they really been my home? 

I made the comment the other day that once I'm finished with this life abroad "I want my homebase to be my home".  This, made perfect sense to me, but generated a couple of well-deserved looks of confusion.

What makes up a home?  Is it the sheer structure of a roof held up by four walls.  Is it the smell of chicken soup on the stove on a snowy day?  Is home where the heart is or the place where you  hang your hat?  Can it simply be when I'm on the mat?  Can it be all of these things?  Or none.  Can home reside within?

In 3 weeks I am going to be "homeless".  Mike and I are finished here and will be packing our bags and heading off into the world of travel.  We'll be living out of our packs going from one place to the next for who knows how long only to return to Canada with a big smile, a lot of stories and a little uncertainty as to 'what's next'. 

Since leaving the home where I grew up,  I've moved from place to place, and the word "home" is no longer a physical place of residence.  What I find makes up my home are the little things that keep me feeling connected. 

Heading out for a walk with no destination and letting myself take in all that surrounds me helps me to feel connected to nature.  Having a tea at the local cafe, alternating between reading and people watching helps me feel connected to the people that I am physically sharing this space with.  Yoga.  Whether in the form of a class or my home practice, yoga helps me to feel connected to the spiritual rythm of the universe.  It connects me to myself.

I've learned, and am still learning that as long as I continue to be true to myself and look for those things that keep me connected I will always be able to find the "home" within.

"...I want my homebase to be my home."  I guess all this means is that when I do finally settle I hope that I am in a place where I am settled in myself.  A place where I feel strong and connected to myself and those arround me.  A place where I can face the unknown knowing that "home" is always just around the corner. 

"Every day is a journey, and the journey itself is home." ~ Matsuo Basho

And for your listening pleasure...  This song = big smiles!  Enjoy :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4306i99LMXo

shhh...don't tell

Truth or dare?

Truth

Okay, what are your top 5 dirty little secrets?

Ooh, good one. Here they are.

1) Gossip Girl.  I watch Gossip Girl.  Hello, my name is Shawna and I'm a Gossip Girl aholic.  Okay, wow even just saying it outloud makes me feel better.  This has to be the smuttiest, worst message for teens show out there.  But, I watch it.  And... I kinda (lotta) like it.

2) Taylor Swift. I know every lyric to every song off of her first two albums. The only reason I don't know the words to her third,  simple,  I don't own it yet.

3) Knitting is my new favourite pass-time. I love the sound the wood makes as the needles click together as I knit one purl two. It relaxes me. I can sit and knit for hours and totally lose myself in the project at hand.   Knitting connects me to loved ones. Everything I've knit has been for someone dear to me, so as I sit there, yarn in hand the receiver is always on my mind. It's lovely really.  It's meditative. Counting the stitches the same way you'd count your breath during asana. "In, loop and scoop" becomes my mantra as I work my way through each row. I sit cross legged reminding myself to lengthen my spine and relax my shoulders for a little knitasana.

4) I read more than I do. My yoga practice this year has conisisted of quite a bit more reading about yoga than actually doing yoga. And I'm not talking about reading the Bhagavad Gita or some other ancient yogic text which would enlighten me in some way. I just read random shit on yoga. Which keeps me in the 'yoga loop' but isn't exactly leading to a more yogic lifestyle. Right now, in all honesty, I feel a bit like a yoga poser.

5) I'm a scaredy cat. I'm afraid of the usual things like spiders and sharks and hubcaps flying off of cars and knocking me out. But I also have a huge fear of failure. So what have I been doing...nothing. ~Wow, this is starting to look like a theme of mine.~ I'm so afraid that I'm going to put myself out there and no one is going to grab that I just don't. I want to write. Like for other people to read. And I've started this blog which is good but there are all these other public mediums for me to get involved with - ones that I've even looked into and been given the green light - and I just don't do it. I'm afraid that I won't be good enough, that no one will want to read what I have to say.  Will my writing be interesting enough, quirky enough, meaningful? Will someone come away after reading something I've written and have a reaction to it? Uh, just thinking about it makes me feel funny. I need to learn to detach from these things and just go for it. I admire people who put it all out there and dont' give a damn who bites. Writing is about personal expression and I want to be able to express myself without the need to be validated by others.

So there they are, my 5 dirty little secrets.

Oh, and here's a freebie just for fun...I collect bookmarks...'nuff said.

Your turn. Truth or dare?

ghosts of challenges past

I'm determined to keep this challenge out of the "goal graveyard". That sad place that houses all of my failures. For a time that sad place was more private, like locked away in a journal or in the failing memory of my mind. But now, it's out there for all (5 of you) to see.

What - aside from the fact that my actual new years resolution is to stick to my resolutions - is going to make this challenge different? How can I approach this in such a way as to make sure that I follow through?

Let's get to the root of it.

I think some of the trouble I've had with sticking to things like this in the past has been a lack of reason. I haven't really felt sure about why exactly I was doing certain challenges in the first place. Personal challenges should be fun. But I found that some things I signed up for and started more because I thought that I should be doing them rather than really wanting to do them.

So I ask myself "do I want to do this challenge?" Yes. I do!

I've also had a hard time with perfection...or better put, the lack of perfection. I AM NOT A PERFECTIONIST!!!! However, when I do these challenges I get so frustrated with myself if I miss a day that I end up missing the whole point.

Do I need perfection in my life? No. Is it okay to miss a day? Yes. Okay then, it's settled, I'll be easier on myself.

The other thing, and this is a biggie, is a serious lack of focus on my part. I get side tracked so easily. I'll start a challenge but then something else will catch my attention and in the blink of an eye... wait a minute, what was I saying?

Oh ya, focus. This has been a serious issue of mine lately and something that I'm hoping will improve through a daily practice.

So, why am I doing this challenge?

I love the way that yoga makes me feel. It's both calming and empowering and leaves my body feeling relaxed and strong.

I love writing. It's cathartic. And this isn't always going to be in the form of a blog, but journalling, free writing really helps me to sort out my shit.

These are two things that I love to do, and make me feel great, but actually take a bit of effort to get started. Have I mentioned before that I suffer from a major affliction of l-a-z-y from time to time? I need to get myself into a daily habit of stepping onto the mat and sitting down to hash it all out. It's good for the soul yo!

I know I can do this!

2011, year of the rabbit...year of the "doer".

do-over

Back in June I signed up for this. 21 days of yoga and writing. A great idea that quickly became one of many unfinished challenges of 2010. It did get me writing more and it did get me on the mat more, but sporadically and again, unfinished.

So, when I was cruising yoga journal's site the other day and came across their 21 day yoga challenge I thought "Okay. Do - over."

And with this I present to you...Challenge #1 of 2011

21 days of yoga and writing!

hip hip hooray!

confessions of a detox deviant

Was it just last Friday that I was patting myself on the back for having done so well on this detox?

Friday was the first day that I cheated (aside from NYE) and it sent me into a spiral of deviant acts.

It went something like this...

Friday night - wine, vodka, gambling

Saturday - detox maven

Sunday - good day, added parm to my pesto....much needed and delicious

Monday - sweet potato cake - "mashita" as they say in korean. Delicious.

Tuesday - good

Wednesday - wine and cheese

I am now officially off the detox as Mike's parents have arrived in Busan and there is NO WAY I'm going to miss out on all the good food and drink to be had. But I am going to eat in a maintenance style. There are a few things that I found way too limiting over the last couple of weeks and I'll say that my pineapple this morning tasted mighty good.

Things that I'm going to take away from this.

Warm lemon water with honey to start off the day. This is said to aid in your digestion and help put you on the 'right track' for the day. What I loved about this was it pushed me to get out of bed a bit earlier than usual as it's suggested that you drink your tea at room temp and that it should be the first thing that you injest. So, a lot of mornings I would get my tea ready and than sit on my mat and do a light stretch or...come back into bed and steal some extra cuddle time with Mike.

Cutting out wheat and gluten - I'm not sure how easy this is going to be to totally cut out. But I am definitely going to cut it back. A LOT. I think this is one of those things in my diet that I didn't even realise had an effect on my body, but it did. And the effect was that of a slug.

Cutting out dairy - Again, not completely but quite a bit. I found my saviour throughout the detox were these soya milk with black bean drinks that were like a "b rated" chocolate milk. Like if Robert Redford were chocolate milk these were Jack Black - still delicious, just a little underrated.

Sugar. I will do my best to stay away from refined sugar!

Cheese, chocolate and wine are going to be the biggies here. None of these are things that I want to give up. Ever. Nor are they things that I plan to give up. Ever. But, I think I can cut back, just a wee bit.

On a whole, I am going to try to avoid processed foods and go for whole, natural foods. This is a change that I have been talking about making for a while and there is no time like the present!

We'll see how it all goes!

word :)

beans, beans, they're good for your heart...

Day 12 folks. It's been 12 days (not counting NYE) since I have allowed myself to really indulge.

I have a few things to say about this.

1) My body is loving this!!!! I have more energy throughout the day. I'm able to get out of bed in the morning without 15 snooze hits. I feel lighter. And, dare I say - I have a bit more patience with my little kiddies at school.

2) Dr. Joshi says that by sticking to this detox for three weeks your palate will change. Well, I will say this - I have had very few cravings (aside from the odd chocolate and wine crave) since starting this. But I don't really have many cravings on the daily anyways. And if by "palate changing" he means "you will lose all interest in food". Then yes, my palate has changed.

This, is not a welcome change. I love food! I love everything about the process of eating. Thinking about what I'm going to eat, going to the grocer to pick up what's needed, coming home to prep, stealing little tastes here and there during the making and then sitting down to enjoy. ~Notice how there was no mention of dishes...those I can do without.

3) I'm finding this detox quite limiting and a bit bland with what little resources we have here. The other day I made a bean salad, enough for both Mike and I to bring to school for lunch for a few days. Day 1, salad was tasting pretty good. Day 2, couldn't even bring myself to open the container come lunch time - so went out for fish soup instead. Day 3, had a hard time getting through it but I found that by going slowly - one bean at a time - I could finish it off and have enough energy to last me until the next meal. Where's the enjoyment there?

I feel robbed, robbed of my hunger. Did I mention that I LOVE food. Larry David put it best when, upon finding out he couldn't eat Tuna sandwiches because of it's mercury content he said "lunch is now the hardest part of my day". Preachin' to the choir LD. Preachin'. to. the. choir.

So, all bitching aside, I really am finding that my body is totally diggin' the natural foods. I'm also finding that I'm taking more time to really learn about what I'm eating. And I have to admit that all of the time in the kitchen experimenting with different things is pretty fun...despite my kitchen being the size of an easy bake oven. We even gave homemade mayo a try. Round 1 = a miss, but will try again.

This detox takes some patience and creativity. When I think about how to keep things varied for the next week I have to use every ounce of restraint from going into my speed dial for PIZZA. Yes, we have pizza in our phone. But, I find if I just look at it as one day, one meal, one bean at a time I know I can stick with it.

I'm actually quite looking forward to incorporating a lot of these changes into the daily. I'm also quite looking forward to my post-detox glass of wine and plate au cheese! Oh ya.

And...who's kidding who - or is it whom? Anyways, I'm following Dr. Joshi's advice and allowing some leniancy as I go.
~She says as she picks the chocolate covered acai berries from her teeth.~

~peace :)

happy theme year!

And in this corner.....the year...2011!!!!!!

I've talked in the past about Mondays being my big day for change. Fresh week, fresh start. Well, let me tell you how I feel about the start of a new year. Talk about a clean slate!!!

It's been a few years since I've actually sat down on January 1st, pen in hand to hash out my goals for the year. In part, because I am constantly setting new goals for myself throughout the year. In part, because I never finish the goals I set out for myself throughout the year. And in part, because in the past the goals always looked like this; workout more, eat healthier, lose weight, stop smoking, drink less, save money.

I call these the "I'm not very happy with my current self" goals. Classic, timeless, universal, whatever. These are standard goals that really don't make you feel very good about yourself as you go over all the food, smokes and drinks you consumed the night before. I even did a little "googling" and 9 times out of 10 these were among the top 10 resolutions.

And they are all great goals, but being set year after year tends to pick away at the soul a bit. So I stopped. I stopped the cycle of starting off each year by creating a running total of all of my flaws.

But this year, this year I am making a resolution!!!! And one that I hope to keep because, well, that's what the resolution is....follow through! I resolve to follow through on my goals. I'm not going to make any specific goals for myself because I have no idea where I'm going to be in 2011 or what the year will to bring.

So I'm going to set a couple of themes instead.

Theme # 1 - as mentioned above is follow through. As things come up and goals are set, I AM GOING TO FINISH THEM!!!!!
Theme # 2 - give more. Give more of my time and energy to the people who need it.
Theme # 3 - take less. Regardless of where I am in the world or what I'm doing I am going to start living a greener life.
Theme # 4 - open up. Let go of my expectations and open up to the "rhythm of the universe".

I'm so excited for 2011! My time in Korea is almost finished and then I'm free. Freeer than I've ever been - freeer than I probably ever will be again. No commitments, no job, no set plan. Just an open road of endless possibility.

Breathe. Open up. Give. Love. Live.

Go!